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A male army specialist who was denied leave to go to a baby shower came back with a more... rugged excuse, according to a Reddit user. Forget gender reveal cakes and guessing the baby's weight—this soldier is off to become Ron Swanson.

His revised remarks read:

Going home to the Appalachian mountains to drink whiskey, wrestle bears, and shoot lots of guns. I also plan to grow out a beard, chop down a hundred trees with my axe and eat 10lbs of thick cut bacon with my wife, whom I plan to have lots of unprotected sex with, because I am a man and that's just what we do. Football.

Sources: Reddit