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A new advertising scheme has IKEA renaming their products to reflect your deepest fears and relationship problems, like your fear of your marriage falling apart or your concern that you can't get your children to eat right. After years of making fun of the weird IKEA names, IKEA names are now making fun of you.

While this seems like a sinister plot to exacerbate an already stressful day of shopping in the world's largest blue and yellow maze, the renaming is mostly for online customers. IKEA chose the most common Google searches related to your deepest fears so that they will come up when you search for them.

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For example, if you Google, "He doesn't text me back," IKEA is hoping the search will return this USB charger.

Seems like people who DO get texts back would need a charger more, but that's none of my business.
Seems like people who DO get texts back would need a charger more, but that's none of my business.

Or if you Google why your kids won't eat their vegetables.

When children won't eat vegetables, get them to eat plush toys!
When children won't eat vegetables, get them to eat plush toys!
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Or, say, if your friend "only talks about himself."

My friend only talks about himself, so now I stare at my reflection all day.
My friend only talks about himself, so now I stare at my reflection all day.

These products are all listed on a separate website, "Ikea Retail Therapy," but when you click on an item, you will directed to that product on IKEA's regular website under the products original name.

Other relationship problems solved by IKEA items include:

"My Partner Snores": a single daybed.

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"How To Say I'm Not Interested" : a garlic press

"My Girlfriend Won't Do The Dishes": built-in dishwasher.

Strangely, none of their products have been newly named "Spending A Day With My Partner At IKEA."