Slide fetishist Christopher Johnson was arrested this week for making sweet love to a playground slide in Stoke Green Park in Coventry, England. It was his second offense. What do you do with a problem like Mr. Johnson?
Ban him from playgrounds forever! Or three years, at least. That's what happened to the 46-year-old repeat offender. The Coventry Magistrates Court gave him a three-year Criminal Behaviour Order. The order bans him from "partying" at any parks, leisure centers, swimming pools, lidos (what is this, Englanders?) or playgrounds featuring that seductive temptress we call a slide.
It seems sad that Christopher Johnson is being separated from his primary sexual interest, but in addition to the ban he is also receiving sex offender treatment for 18 months, and a rehabilitation activity requirement. It's not explicit if this means psychological treatment and help, or verbal abuse where they shout, "You're a pervert!" at him for a year and a half, but let's hope for the former. A man having sex with a slide is NOT living his best life. Help him get his life back on track, guys!
Once he's a functioning member of society again, he can get a job and buy his own damn slide.