Somebody figured out why ancient statues have tiny penises, and it's not because you're staring at them.

Somebody figured out why ancient statues have tiny penises, and it's not because you're staring at them.
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Easily the best part about going to any museum is heading straight for the antiquities section to scope out those tiny Ds.

Manmu eimai kommatia #fayn #ancientgreek #greekstatue

A post shared by Vasoula Georgoula (@vasoulinho) on

Like, you have to.

In case you missed it...

//cdn.someecards.com/posts/tiny-p-SJSJf4.jpg
What even is that???

WTF, sculptors? You could have made these penises any size you wanted to. 

Art historian Ellen Oredsson spent a not-so-small time thinking about this, and suggested a more complicated answer than just that these penises are flaccid and deserve a little encouragement.

According to Oredsson, "cultural values about male beauty were completely different back then. Today, big penises are seen as valuable and manly, but back then, most evidence points to the fact that small penises were considered better than big ones."

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Ok, not to be a size queen, but why?

"Large penises were associated with very specific characteristics: foolishness, lust and ugliness," she continued. Like, this dude:

https://twitter.com/CheapReview/status/726363169392857088

Yeah, that's terrifying.

Conversely, "the ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative. He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical."

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A youthful Hercules #greekstatue #beauty #art #sculpture #met #metropolitanmuseumofart #newyork

A post shared by Ludovica Oliosi (@ludovicaoliosi) on

Just a chill dude with a small wang.

What do you guys think? Is penis size related to intellect and logic, or is this a conspiracy that goes deep? (But, not too deep.)

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