Sadly, Gold Bond doesn't make a product that will soothe your mind after this sets it on fire.

YouTuber DavyForce, aka the TV Sheriff, has taken a series of ads Shaquille O'Neal did for Gold Bond spray and turned them into a series of bizarre, liquefied fever dreams that would make Tim & Eric wonder who laced their pot. I don't watch enough television, because I had never seen these ads before (I had, of course, seen the clip of Shaq wiggling, immortalized in the Vine of him facing off against Dancing Cat - see below). On the other hand, now I hope I never see them because A.) it will give me flashbacks to this, and B.) as terrifying as this is, it's way better than these could ever be.

Sources: DavyForce on YouTube