Meet Wrinkles the Clown, the clown in Southwest Florida who will terrify you, your friends, or your children for just a few hundred bucks in cash. What a deal! Wrinkles looks like the stuff nightmares are made of, almost as scary as a clown that appears late night in a cemetery. He's now well known in the area for his antics and services, but before his creepiness became legendary, he just dressed like this for fun.
Ever since these kids put me on the Internet, my phone rings non-stop. It's ridiculous.
That's right, Wrinkles was just walking around like that trying to drum up some new business before some kids put him on the Internet. Because as if walking around like that isn't terrifying enough, a cheap latex mask and a body suit aren't exactly the most comfortable things to wear in South Florida. And there's something else notable about Wrinkles: his thick Rhode Island accent, which is perhaps scarier than his mask.
I just want to have fun, and, you know, have a good time. Make a little extra money on the side, you know, have a little fun before I die.
Wrinkles! Enough with all the jokes and antics! You're making us laugh so hard that we might die.
People pay me to go scare their friends, people pay me to go dance at their parties, you know, that kind of thing, bar mitzvahs and what not.
Sure, every Jewish boy in Florida wants a terrifying clown at their bar mitzvah instead of celebrities. But Wrinkles receives lots of other entertainment requests too, mostly from freaky young women:
I’ve got women calling me all the time. Young ones, too, like weird goths with chains and stuff. I’ve had enough psycho women in my life already. That’s why I’m divorced.
Seriously Wrinkles, we already warned you about slaying us with too many comedy bits! No more jokes! As long as Wrinkles and his customers are having a good time, everybody wins. And clown masks still aren't as scary as the before pictures of contouring makeup.