Lord, grant me the strength to look upon giraffes and not question how any Earthly creature of its sort fits into your plan.
Giraffes staring out over the plains, wondering if anywhere on God's green Earth is really meant for them. (via Thinkstock)
Scripture tells us that when God made Eve for Adam, he used one of Adam's ribs. What part of an animal God used to make the giraffe will remain a mystery until the sands of time run out. It's almost as if God took a snake, attached it to a camel, and had it mate with a cheetah. What sick mind would shape reality in such a way?
I shudder to think what reason an all-powerful being had to make such an awkward beast. Perhaps this being (and therefore all of life?) is some huge joke played on us by some sinister force merely trying to amuse itself by making weirder and weirder animals. I pray this is untrue.
Evil people exploit the odd visage of the giraffe to confuse our children into wanting more products from Toys 'R' Us. What does it all mean?
Giraffes are the tallest mammal, and their physical stature mirrors how they stick out from an otherwise perfectly ordered world. Unlike most water-drinking mammals residing in Africa, giraffes can only bend down to drink for a few moments, otherwise they risk choking or being caught completely off guard by predators while leaning their huge necks between their equally long legs. The one thing God insisted all Earth-walking creatures consume with frequency, the giraffe can barely reach.
Giraffes bond easily with Zebras because they both wish they were just regular horses.
Luckily, God made the food source for these sad beings somewhere near their poor, goofy heads. Unfortunately, He also decided giraffes need to eat seventy five pounds of food a day in order to survive. The giraffe spends twelve hours a day eating leaves and only a half hour a day sleeping. At least God didn't give them the free time to reflect on what an awful existence they were allotted.
Even the seemingly mindless tree attempts to distance itself from this weird creature. (via Thinkstock)
If only the giraffe could spend what little spare time it had finding some comfort among others of its species but, alas, the giraffe is not social. Some will congregate near each other if they happen to be headed a similar direction, but unlike most creatures, the giraffe prefers its solitude. What meaning is there to find for the perpetually-plant-chewing loner of nature? Why would an all-loving power force something to live this way?
The giraffe is unmoved by its own kind. That is, of course, unless it wants to fight.
Since God did not bless the giraffe with large horns or the majestic antlers of deer, the males are forced to "neck" each other for dominance. I look upon this neck fight with equal parts horror and pity for the powerful yet maladroit giraffes:
"Necking" in the human world is a sin, but there's no categorizing how unholy the act in the above video is. It feels as though God accidentally gave the strength of an elephant to a pair of sentient crazy straws. Try as I might, I see no meaning.
When I die and go to Heaven, the first thing I will ask Saint Peter is why God bothered making the giraffe. Only then will I know solace.