If Satan is real, I suspect he or she (but probably he), is in the fashion industry. We see his handiwork in these five popular "clothing" items, which are obviously part of a vast conspiracy to keep women from rising, or even standing up.

1) Shoes

I think of shoes the same way as I think of tiny New York apartments: No one deserves to be cramped in a tight space like that—not me, not you, not feet. I believe that humans should be barefoot whenever the weather allows. But American customs, and most sidewalks, don't allow for that.