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It's no small feat being "chill." If you're anything like me, you aspire to be Ferris Bueller but you're actually his super-anxious, hypochondriac friend Cameron. So how do you maintain an effortlessly aloof attitude when life is a roller coaster of exhilarating highs and terrifying lows?

Great news: you can fake it! Here are six steps to let everyone know you're the chillest person ever. Even when you're freaking out on the inside. Like, all the time.

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1) Smile a lot.

If you smile, it lets other people know that you are super happy and chill! They'll never know that you're internally cycling through every single thing you've said and done wrong in the past 24 hours or that you cried in a CVS this morning (because those shampoo prices should be illegal). In fact, you're still crying. But they won't even notice because of that huge, radiant smile on your tear streaked face. "What a ray of sunshine!" they'll say, as you choke back sobs.

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2) Always order fries for the table.

If you're committed to being chill, your answer to "Are you hungry?" should always be "I could eat, whatever." A chill person is never hungry and never full, never overeats and doesn't diet. A chill person wolfs down a burger and fries and orders extra fries for the table. So put your high cholesterol and crippling body dysmorphia aside for a few hours and DIG IN to some fries. You can cry/hit the gym on your own time.

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3) Always be sexing.

A crucial component of "chill" is having an active but unobtrusive sex life. You don't talk about sex or relationships but everyone knows you are getting laid constantly, and with zero drama or emotional attachment. You float from bed to bed with a sexual confidence and emotional iciness that would make Carrie Bradshaw blush. No one has to know that you're dying inside because that last guy didn't text you back and you really thought he was the one. Oh, well. ON TO THE NEXT! You chill sex goddess, you.

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4) Don't have opinions.

Your new life motto? "NBD!" Chill people don't care if Donald Trump takes away a women's right to have a uterus or what the word "Benghazi" means. To be chill, it's essential you don't read the news because the news is (spoiler alert) a huge bummer. Chill people also don't vote. Because it doesn't matter who gets elected to any office when you live in your own world where the President is you, and the only policy is "Always be cool."

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5) Arrive fashionably late if at all.

Chill people never show up to a party or event when it actually starts. Because chill people don't care what time it is—they live in the moment! The only time is now.

The chillest thing you can do at a party is show up so late that you don't even show up at all. No one has to know that you have crippling social anxiety and parties are a living nightmare that you spend by the snack table stuffing your face with hors d'oeuvres.

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6) Come from money.

It's near-impossible to be chill when you're constantly worrying about how to make rent and which grocery store sells cheaper generic-brand mac 'n cheese. And actually making more than enough money to live is stressful. It helps to come from money. A lot of it. Because going on vacations, and Instagramming yourself in exotic locations, while wearing clothes made out of expensive fabrics that don't fall apart in the washer-dryer, is the essence of chill.

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If being chill sounds like a LOT of work combined with dumb luck, it is. Now get out there, tiger, and BE CHILL!!!!!

Or, just be yourself. Whatever.