34-year-old Angela Timson from Leicestershire, UK told the Daily Mail that after having two big babies, her vagina felt dry and stretched-out, so she underwent a laser procedure called Nu-V. This revolutionary surgery claims to tighten up the ol' ladyparts, creating, in effect, a more "youthful" vagina (turning that hallway back into a crawl space). Just a week later, Timson says she's having better orgasms during sex with her husband. Hmm.
The 10-minute, £500 (about $650) Nu-V (New Vagina?) procedure was developed by clinical director Dr. Natasha Ranga and nurse Emma Soos, who allegedly suffered the same symptoms as Timson after they had their own kids.
According to the Daily Mail, the Nu-V treatment consists of inserting a "cage-like" cylinder (uh-huh) and "speculum-style tool" (uhhh, okay) into the vagina to laser (OH HELL NO) the inside, and a "lasering" (please stop) of the vulva (including the clitoris and labia) afterwards. Timson claims the process was only mildly uncomfortable, and she was able to return to work right after.
Of sex with her husband post-procedure, Timson told the Daily Mail,
We waited for four days and my partner was very satisfied. Then we did it seven days later and on this occasion I felt more tightness. I did feel better. So the sexual experience has been really good. I've never had a problem orgasming with my current partner but the two times that we did it the orgasm was more intense.
Dr. Ranga bills Nu-V as a vaginoplasty (surgical reconstruction of the vagina) alternative, saying,
It offers multiple benefits including increased sensation, sexual gratification for woman and her partner, increased climax, reduced vaginal dryness in pre an post-menopausal women, improved circulation, rejuvenation of labia and it can even improve some bladder concerns.
Okay, great, whatever, just please stop saying the word "laser" so close to the word "vagina," since I can't possibly cross my legs any tighter.