Menstruation is a very natural part of life that is not at all vile or gross. Unless blood is flying through the air and vomiting is involved. Then it's gross. And yet still so relatable (for menstruating women, at least. Nobody else can understand).
As such, there's nothing to be ashamed about here! Even though these 15 period stories (from many different Reddit threads) seem like nightmares and may give you second-hand embarrassment, it's important to suffer through them for the sake of normalizing periods. And for entertainment.
1. If you thought getting cramps during gym class was bad, wait until you hear what marmosetohmarmoset suffered.
I was the awkward weird kid in high school. Somehow both nerdy and freakish at the same time. Anyway, in 9th grade I had gym class with not a single friend, or even friendly acquaintance. One day, right before class, I got my period. Still being new at the whole menstruation thing didn't have anything with me (and with no friends in the class, no one to bum off of). Since that was the day we were getting our introduction to the weight room I figured I'd be ok if I just stuffed a bunch of toilet paper down there, since all we were doing was sitting around having the different machines explained to us.
Everything was going ok until my teacher decided she needed a volunteer to demonstrate one of the machines. It was the abductor/adductor machine. You know- the one that when you use it you suddenly remember that you're overdue for you annual PAP smear? That one. Of course she picks me to demonstrate. I try to tell her that I'm not feeling well, but she was a hard ass and I was shy so I did not state my case very forcibly.
So there I am, spread eagle, my legs in virtual stirrups, and my poor light-blue gym short clad-crotch displayed in front of the entire class. The toilet paper in my panties of course picks that moment to quit. I feel the blood squirting out and soaking my gym shorts and see the gradual look of horror/amusement come across the faces of my classmates. The teacher is totally oblivious.
That day did not help my reputation.
edit:TL;DR: Showed my bloody crotch to a whole class of hostile 14-year-olds
2. Send virtual hugs out to SibcyRoad, who couldn't re-cover from her period drama (that's a pun, you'll see).
I'm VERY irregular. I was staying at my new boyfriends for the first time. We had been having sex and apparently that can bring about a period. Like jump start it I guess. Anyway I didn't know I was going to start so we both fall asleep naked and cuddling. I'm an active sleeper. I move around a lot. The next morning I woke up to a wet feeling between my legs and butt. And sometimes when I'm cold I stick my hands between my thighs and lay on my side for warmth. I opened my eyes and looked at my hands and they were covered in blood. I lifted the white sheets and looked down to a horrible scene. We were both covered in blood. It looked like I'd tried to kill him.
There was nothing I could do. No hiding. No covering up. It was a lost cause. So I woke him up and he opened his eyes and turned to me and his eyes got huge. He hadn't even seen the damage yet but he was looking at me like I was an alien. He kind of yelled "What's all over your face!? Did you get a bloody nose?!" And I realized that at some point in the night I put my face in my blood covered hands.
I said no but I got my period and it was bad. So he lifts the covers and it was like that seen in The Godfather with the horse head. He didn't scream thank god. He just ran into the bathroom and immediately got in the shower. Leaving me alone in the blood soaked sheets covered in blood and still leaking. I started to cry. I couldn't do anything. There was only one bathroom. And he was in it. So I just sat there sobbing.
When he came out I pushed past him and rinsed off. Tossed on my clothes. Ran to my purse and pulled out a $20 for cleaning. Tossed it his direction and bolted. I ignored all of his calls and never spoke to him again. I just couldn't.
3. OhHoneyNo's unforgettable incident will provide you with some inspiring names for your period.
I have never, ever, not even once told a soul about this. Now I'm broadcasting my humiliation to the internet. Here goes.
I've always had disgustingly heavy and random periods. Especially in mid-puberty, every single time I was taken by surprise. Like a flood that comes out of nowhere. Anyway, my mother never really taught me how to handle that, or how to be prepared.
Sophomore in high school, second year of latin class. I sat one row over from a guy that I had a huge crush on (of course). We had a habit of staying in the room until everyone had cleared out; chatting with the teacher, debating, etc.
One day, oratory speeches were required. I stood up and recited a short address from Claudius. Mid way through,I felt a tide shift and realized I had about five seconds to sit down, or have the whole class witness blood on my jeans.
I cut my speech short and scurried back to my seat, knowing immediately I was fucked. I should have excused myself right away but all I could do was sit there, frozen. I will never forget this next part.
The guy I crushed on got up for his speech. It was something from a Punic War dispatch, particularly concerning a "blood bath" of killings, beheadings, and trampled soldiers. Descriptions of bloody rivers. After a while, the words sanguis, sanguine,and sanguinum burned onto my brainstem.
As he read his speech, I sat there recreating the red tide. Fast forward to the end of class. All I wanted was for the guy to leave, not hang out, not wait for me. Get out fucker!!
I don't remember how I finally got him to leave; I do remember the teacher left first, and I don't think she knew what was going on. All I know is the second the guy walked out the room, I jumped up to survey the damage.
Literally a huge puddle of blood, as if I had urinated. Frantic, I could not find a single paper towel or napkin in the room. Calculating that I had mere minutes to flee before the next class started, I tried to wipe it up with notebook paper. Not the least bit absorbent. Just left mad streaks. I did the best I could.
I started to leave (with my backpack slung real low); I saw the chalk erasers. I used two of them to clean the seat. Didn't quite finish the job, but enough. I kept the erasers and moved the desk to the other side of the room.
Shame sufficiently hidden, I got the fuck out of there and walked home through the woods.
I'm fairly certain the teacher did the math; she gave me a terribly sympathetic look the next day, but otherwise never spoke of the incident.
That's when I learned to keep supplies on hand at all times, and also how to pay attention to my body and hormones.
TL:DR-- Recreated the red tide in Latin class while sitting next to a dreamy guy. Cleaned it up with chalk erasers.
4. Fake trash cans are a thing, at least at x3theforoufusx3's old boyfriend's house. Why? Unclear.
5. At least Lolabola92 had other women to blame. That's the one good thing about periods.
Okay. God. I thought I didnt have any stories but this one suddenly floated back to my brain -.-
Stayed the night over at my guy friends house and crashed on his futon. I was on my period but it was pretty light so I thought I'd be fine for the night. NOPE. Woke up on his couch and I can FEEL the pool of blood bathing my thighs and ass. As I was crashing in the living room his dad was on the computer watching a movie. He sees me wake up and goes "would you like some coffee?" I say yeah to get him the fuck out of there. He leaves and I straight up jump up to see I got blood all on their navajo inspired blanket. God damn it.
So I mission impossible my way passed their kitchen to the bathroom as blood trickles down my leg. I get to the bathroom and start to clean myself up. No joke the bathroom floor and toilet are COVERED in blood. It looks like a fucking murder took place. So then I cleaned THAT up and made my way back to the living room to deal with the blood stains I covered up with a blanket. I have a wet paper towel as my only line of defense.
His dad left me coffee and left the room. I tackle that stain and do the best I can. I get it to be somewhat hidden (though still pretty obvious) and make up their futon, flipping it so its not noticeable.
I'm sure a few months later they found the mess but my friend had tons of girlfriends (both romantically and friend wise) so now I am only a blip on the radar cue evil laugh
6. What happened to lemonylips has probably also happened in a B-list horror movie about how women are Satan's creatures.
Once I had my period and I was also really strung out on amphetamines and was in my bathroom on my hands and knees throwing up into the toilet. I wasn't wearing a tampon and I dry heaved so hard that I projectile period-ed onto the wall behind me.
7. It's a little questionable that drewjet didn't notice anything different about his girlfriend.
My girlfriend had "finished" her period a day or two earlier. We were messing around late at night in the dark. I went down on her. I was down there for like 10 minutes. Finally she came. I took my face out of there and came back up to kiss her or something. She looks at me, and immediately this look of sheer horror spreads over her face. "Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I'm like WTF?? What the hell could she possibly be apologizing for at a time like this? "Just go look in the mirror."
Major clown face.
8. In a reversal of those events, throw-away-away-away had an evening that ended up unexpectedly colorful.
Hadn't had sex in ~8 months, picked a random attractive guy and went back to his place for good times late at night. After about 20 mins of intercourse with the lights off he pulls out and I start giving him head. Another 5 minutes pass and I notice something on my hand in front of my mouth.
It's blood. I'd bled during sex and was now consuming my own blood off his dick. And it was everywhere. On his abdomen, on my face, the sheets, everywhere.
9. Ah, vmfillpot's story hurts. May cause tears even if you're not PMS-ing.
10. Period poop. flickin_the_bean has experienced this. As has her friend.
11. Lipsting had a few stories. Here's her icky one.
In my homeroom, I sat in someone else's period mess. At the time I assumed it was mine. The embarrassment of cleaning up the mess, and leaving early was all for nothing. Once I return home, I checked, and there was nothing in my panties, or on the inside of my jeans.
12. This other tale from Lipsting is also gross, but has some great imagery.
I was jumping on a trampoline, my pad flew out, and people were trying to dodge it.
13. fishielicious's story will satiate your curiosity about strippers on their period.
Welp, I had a pretty bad one the other day. My most recent period, on the first day of it, I was at work. I'm a stripper, and as you probably know about strippers, we wear barely anything on our nether regions. Generally my periods are pretty weak, so I was wearing this gold g-string, tampon in, thinking, "No worries." Then when I was giving a dance to this guy, I felt the tampon start to leak. I was in the middle of dancing and didn't want to stop/freak him out and lose the money, so I just kept going, counting on it being dark enough that he wouldn't notice the leakage on my panties. After the dance, I told him I needed to go to the bathroom, thinking that would be the end of it, but he wanted me to come back when I was done--only, just as I got up, I noticed that he had a kind of noticeable red stain on his khakis. So I went back to the dressing room, cleaned up and changed tampons and g-strings, and came back out to dance for him again (yeah this is how unwilling I am to leave money on the floor). He had not even fucking noticed! So I started to dance again and AGAIN, in the middle of the dance I felt this tampon just start to leak, like I don't know why the hell this period is suddenly like the fucking Red Sea instead of its typical slow trickle, but it just unleashed all over his pants for the second time in the span of ten minutes. And STILL, he did not notice. He just thanked me, paid for the dances, and left.
I would have felt worse about it, but this guy is a notorious jerk who is a real hassle to deal with and has offended one of my best friends on many occasions--I was like live blogging the whole thing to her. I'm just amazed I got away with it. At least until the next time he comes in.
14. hanbanthirteen discovered that toilet paper doesn't quite do the trick, in front of many people.
When I was around 12 I was playing at a softball tournament. I had already played several games that day and I was miserable, hot and on my period. So back then I was only using pads but I would also use toilet paper as a "makeshift tampon" kind of thing. Well, I was pitching that day and you know, your legs come apart everytime. Eventually it worked it's way all the way out of my vag, my panties and then my sliding shorts. I'm in midstide and my "makeshift tampon" falls out! All I can hear next is my 3rd baseman and all the girls in the opposing team duggout say is, "What is that??" I tried and played it off as, "I don't even know!" and just kicked some dirt on it. But then later my coach comes up and asks, "Is everything okay? Do you need a tampon" So it was a lot more noticeable than I hoped.
TL;DR- Had a makeshift tampon fall out while pitching. Everyone saw.
15. A classic "I didn't know how to use a tampon" story, from dangleDar.
In sixth grade gym class I went to shoot a basket and my tampon fell out on the floor. Before anyone asks how this is possible, it probably wouldn't be if I knew how to put a tampon in correctly, but it was my first week wearing tampons (after about a year of periods). To top it off, I wouldn't let my mom show me how to use one and told her I already knew how and had been using them for a long time, so when I called my mom and told her to come get me she said it must've been because my muscles were so strong from swim team that it just shot right out.
I'm humiliated still, 12 years later.
Middle school girls clearly need a better education when it comes to feminine care. Then again, as many of these stories came from ladies over the age of 14, it apparently doesn't get that much better. Cheers to women bonding over the universally awful experience that is Shark Week/Aunt Flo/whatever else ladies call their period.