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An anonymous woman has gone viral for posting a hilariously honest Facebook rant about washing her "front bottom" (AKA, her vagina) with a shower gel that made her feel like her "flaps" were "on fire." It is quite the cautionary tale.

The woman posted the glorious warning to her Facebook page, "I Know, I Need To Stop Talking," detailing why you should never wash your nether regions with Original Source's Mint and Tea Tree shower gel.

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The author writes about how she ran out of her trusty rose shower gel, and turned to a mint and tea tree soap that promises "7,927 tingling leaves" in each bottle. That description alone would deter most from using the gel on sensitive areas, but not this brave lady.

All was well until she decided to soap up her vagina, and felt a sensation that was less tingly and more....pain.

I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience.

And then.

AND THEN.

Oh. Dear. God.

MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE.

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Unfortunately, no amount of rinsing could reverse the damage at that point. At least the harrowing experience provided inspiration for this truly masterful description:

MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE. I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. ‘KEEP AWAY FROM EYES.’ Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Frankly, my eyes were the least of my problems right now.

I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. ‘7,929 tingling leaves’ claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.)

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And here I thought William Shakespeare had the firmest grasp on the English language.
And here I thought William Shakespeare had the firmest grasp on the English language.
giphy

The anonymous blogger wrote that it took about 12 hours for her vagina to feel normal again, and concluded her post by suggesting some updated branding for Original Source.

May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel? Something along the lines of the following:

‘7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy.’

If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf.

Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.

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Consider yourself (and your genitals) warned.