Woman asks if she was wrong to not go to coffee with grieving boss.
It's usually perfectly acceptable for you to set boundaries with your boss, but is there ever a point when you should just do as they say? When this woman doesn't make time to get coffee with her boss after they lose a family member, the guilty employee takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'AITA for not meeting my 'boss' for coffee?'
I say 'boss' in quotes because I'm not legally employed by her; I do contract online work for her once a week in exchange for a small monthly set fee. But it's not an official setup. So my boss 'Tabby' is from my city, but lives in another state and has for many years.
However I guess some of her family is still here, and recently her brother died, and she came back to my state for the funeral. - lockedanddemonsthenes
Oh no, how sad :(
The funeral was Tues. She emailed me Wed. to ask if I wanted to meet for coffee either Thurs. (today) or Fri. She apologized for the last-minute email. She said she just found out about the funeral last week and was rushing to get everything organized.
It's about to get real....
I am busy today and tomorrow w various things and don't really have time to set aside for her. I am doing contract work for a lot of other ppl and I need some downtime as well so I can rest and eat. So I told her no, I'm very sorry, but I'm busy.
Well, fair enough! But then...
I thought she would understand but she responded 'I find it hard to believe you can't take 30 mins. of your day to meet up for coffee. I was going to discuss a new assignment but it had to be in person, so too bad.'
Excuse me??? That's a bit of a guilt trip.
Again, I said I was sorry, that I'm busy; that she emailed me last minute and I can't shift things around with less than a day's notice. She said 'Next time one of my siblings dies I'll be sure to schedule their death around your life.' I was rly angry but I just apologized again because I need her money.
WHAT????? Idk I feel for the boss but that was a bit much.
Also, she owns a publishing company, and I had asked her Tues. if she'd feature a link to my self-published book. She said she'd be glad to.
Both of those messages were sent before she informed me that she was in town, but after I declined her invite she began acting like I'd asked her for the promo after she told me she was here. So I don't think she's going to feature my book at all now.
That's insane.
My best friend says I didn't do anything wrong and that Tabby is being out of line. But my parents say that I 'owe' Tabby my time because she pays me and I'm throwing her under the bus. AITA for not meeting up with her?
Well, is OP the AH? Reddit was all over the place here. Let's take a look!
Especially though, YTA That's how business works. I don't know why you didn't think it worked that way, but it's tit for tat. Everything is very transactional in the business world. Also in the replies to this comment you compared being passed up by a friend to your boss's situation of having her brother die, then not taking the time to meet her. -guilty666
ESH Often we have to scramble to keep clients happy. 30 minutes was a small ask.I understand you’re busy but, it looks like this cost you. - lurkerthepip
Etiquette is important, even in business. You can dislike it and think it is unfair all you want, that won’t actually change it. And every time you breach that etiquette, as you did here, there are likely to be costs. -echokiloecho