Here are two rules that, if followed, will make the world a much safer place:
1. Kids, lock your doors.
2. Parents, knock.
Here are 21 stories, culled from several different Reddit threads, that prove the very fabric of society is at stake when anyone ignores these very simple guidelines. It's funny until it happens to you.
1. Not all the stories are as intensely NSFW as this one from Leumasperron.
2. But here's a tame one from awsears25 to break up the sex stories.
3. Willowpuff to this day has no regrets.
When I was about 6 I was in the bath trying to put Barbie's arm up my vagina. I knew it was awkward then and I still do now.
4. From a thread asking moms to share something they'll never tell their kids comes Arianafer's tale of an unsanitary chew toy.
Gnawing on his aunts vibrator. We were visiting from out of town and he was exploring the house, found it on her bedside table and walked out chewing on it. I'll never tell him because it would embarrass his dad more than I care about it embarassing him.
When I was six years old, I had a playmate who was two years older than me. And we used to play, "the rape game" in which one of us would pin down the other one and scissor her... Umm... Once my mom came home and found us two girls scissoring in the middle of the living room. Of course, in shock, she said "What are you doing?". And although my friend tried to shut me up, I replied "The rape game"... And she never mentioned this again... In my life, after kind of being... I mean she did tell me not to do it. But afterwards, she never talked about it again.
6. Not so embarrassing, but worth it. This mom essentially walked in on her daughter becoming a marine biologist.
When my daughter was 4 years old, she got into our DVD collection and snuck out the movie Jaws to watch in her pink Barbie TV and DVD player.
At first I thought she must have thought it was just a fish movie and it probably scared her....nope, she loved it. I asked her if it was scary watching those people getting eaten and she said it wasn't because sharks need to eat too.
Later I got her a large, pillowy, stuffed shark and she would sleep with that instead of the normal teddy bear like most kids. Her favorite toy to take on trips in the car was a plastic shark she got at Sea World.
She is 15 now and wants to be an ocean biologist and study sharks. She still has the stuffed shark on her bed every night.
7. Youreawizardhailley learned about her daughter's secret talent. She was probably jealous.
8. Here's another story about a chew toy gone horribly vibrator from trillbabe.
I had this little pink vibrator, my dog grabbed it out of my room and started chewing in it in the living room. Then it started to vibrate and she got so scared she peed. Then i came home and my mom looked terrorized, said, "Luna was chewing on that pink... THING in your room." And I just started laughing. Awk.
9. Actually a cute moment from the terrifyingly named jcsatan.
I don't remember myself, but my parents loooove to tell me about the time they found me dancing naked on the kitchen table to the final jeopardy music at age 2 or 3 .
10. This mom needs to get a new babysitter. Or new kids. These two are devils in training.
11. At least AmericanLad still has the self-confidence to refer to his own "elegant body."
12. As of press time, DMBumper is still not a Super Saiyan.
Mine would have to be when,during a commercial break, I started powering up like a saiyan, but only with little quiet whisper yells. I was still sitting down.
When I was done I saw my mom standing in the doorway just watching me for God knows how long.
So all she saw was some 9-10 year old, sitting down, looking up and going "hyaaahhhhh! Hah hah.... Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
13. She just walked in on lincunguns' tape measure, but it's awkward enough that his dad knows what he's using it for.
14. Hopefully ASK_IF_IM_BOB has a cool dad.
Well when I was younger, I saw a black laced bra lying on the floor...
I thought to myself, How would this look on me?
So I went to the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror to try it on. Unfortunately for me, I forgot to lock the door, and my dad walked in on me... topless with a black bra on.
(Im a guy btw).
15. It's been long enough since the last masturbation story, so here's MadLintElf.
It's a toss up between 7 year old me being caught by mom and dad with a vacuum on my penis and 16 year old me being caught masturbating with headphones on and my head covered by a pillow.
7 year old me wanted to know how a blow job felt, and 17 year old me knew they were going to a party (car broke down 2 blocks from the house).
Hey, you live you learn:)
16. GeorgeGreece can explain.
Well, I was pressing my penis on the slide windowed doors, because I saw two girls in the building next to ours. I was 4-5 years old.
17. Igotthepowah does not want the government unlocking her iPhone.
18. Rewnpdx isn't hiding anything from his parents. They've got great communication.
"Caught" doesn't apply
But when I was younger I walked it into the living room and said
"I need bigger condoms", and walked away
19. Uncledavid95 had that rare experience of actually being able to explain away the images on his computer.
20. This girl's dad seems to live for these moments.
21. And before you go, just remember that Siri is people too. Lostmyseamen forgot.
Yes, these were embarrassing. But unfortunately, as soon as these kids grow up, they'll realize it was nothing compared to the pain of meeting their significant others' parents for the first time.