Kids! Everybody loves 'em, right? Except when they act like demon children. Of course, if their parents are demon adults, they don't have much choice. Selected from a few different threads on Reddit, here are some of the worst experiences nannies and babysitters have had on the job. Quick warning though: you might want to get sterilized after reading these.
1. Iamclaybuildings was unfortunately forced to be more of a sex education teacher than a babysitter.
I was looking after 4 kids. 2 years, 6 years, 8 years and about 10 years. 2 boys and 2 girls.
The sexual health nurse had just visited their classrooms the day prior, they learnt all about the birds and bees. About 1 week prior to that, their dad ran off with another (much younger) woman. During the day I spent with them, comments and questions such as the following came into our conversations. "does daddy have a penis?" "Does daddy's whore have a penis?" "Do I have a penis?" (Youngest female) "can I see your penis?" (I am female) "does God have a vagina?" "Did you come out of your daddy's womb?" "How does God put a baby inside of daddy? I thought I came out of Mommy.."
I then explained to their mother that the sexual health class they had suffered through confused them and she should sit down and go through it all again. The best part is the mother actually preferred her kids to be confused because she felt this would keep them "innocent" longer.
I returned several times after and they were still pretty confused.
2. Igrowpeople's story shows it's all fun and games until one of the kids threatens to shoot you.
Our neighbor asked my mom if one of her daughters could babysit her kids. No big deal. 3 kids for 3 hours. How hard could that be? I arrived just before 8, got the tour was asked to have them bathed and in bed by 9. Their father was a hunter by trade so the 100s of red foxes barking in the shed and the skulls "decorating" every wall should have been my first clue that this would not be a normal babysitting experience. 9 yr old daughter had no problem bathing and then disappeared to her room for the night. The 7 and 6 yr old were another story. Their mother should have informed me that they did not know how to use a toilet and were "bush" trained. I spent 10 minutes chasing 2 naked boys around the yard demanding they get back inside. Their mother should have informed me that they hated baths. I was busy fighting to get the 6yr old clean (I was just as wet as he was) and told the 7yr old to start undressing. He ran off yelling that I couldn't make him. Their mother should have informed me that they knew where the keys were to the gun closet and ammunition closet were and how to use them. I went to fetch the 7yr old and found him loading his dad's shot gun to "stop me" from making him bathe. I managed to put him in the tub and pour water over his head, but his fighting had given me bruises. By then it was an hour past their bed time. I checked on the 9 yr old who had tucked herself into bed and then tried to put the boys to bed. I had to force the boys into clothes and chase them around the yard again after they were through using the bush one more time before bed. I then had to sit in front of their door blocking them from escaping for the next hour before the youngest fell asleep from exhaustion. At that point I had to physically restrain the 7yr old from pounding on his brother trying to wake him. 10 minutes before the parents arrived an hour late he finally fell asleep in my arms. My arms were covered in bites, I was bruised all over and I spent my last minutes crying in a creepy skull-covered living room. Not worth the $20. Their mom called mine the next day telling her how her kids raved that I was the best baby sitter ever and asked if we could make it a weekly thing. I declined.
I was an au pair for an extremely wealthy 7-year-old in Italy. He was titled (I forget what title because I don't give a fuck) and was heir to an absolute fortune thanks to this baroque villa that belonged to the family for centuries and had become a popular tourist site due to how exquisite it was. This kid was taught that he was better than others for his status - for example, I witnessed him begging his parents to let him take basketball lessons and their response was, "basketball is for poor people". He was only allowed private golf and tennis lessons.
The terms of my role were pretty clear - I was there to teach him English and cooking/cleaning was not part of the deal (they had housekeepers for that). Basically the expectation was that I play games with him that would help develop his language skills, help with his homework and keep him safe when his parents were out.
As soon as we were alone, however, he would start bossing me around as if I was his servant. I couldn't really blame him as it was all in his upbringing, but he could get really fucking nasty. It's hard to imagine how a little kid could make a 20-year-old woman cry just by being mean but he managed it on multiple occasions. One day he demanded I do something for him that he was perfectly capable of doing himself and when I gently declined, he came back with (word-for-word), "I'm YOUR boss, this is MY house, everything here is MINE, you have to do what I tell you, YOU work for ME". I tell ya, it took a lot to calmly say to him, "You are not my boss. I am here to help you learn and to be your friend. If you would like something, you can ask me nicely to help you and if you don't know how to do it, I can show you."
The shitty part is that his true nature would shine through sometimes and he was such a beautiful kid. He would tell me he loved me and that I was the best babysitter he'd ever had. It's such a shame when a good-hearted kid gets spoiled to the point that they treat people this way. On the plus side, by the time I left 5 months later he was a whole lot more respectful, gentle and loving, so hopefully that means I did something right. 4 years later, I think about that kid and wonder if any of what I tried to impart on him stuck. With parents like his, I don't have high hopes.
4. PoodlesForBernie2016 learned an important lesson: when playing hide and seek, never hide in a closet that locks.
When I was a preteen I babysat a 6 year old and a 4 year old who locked me in a closet while we were playing hide and seek. Through the locked closet door I could hear them start to play 'doctor and patient.' The older one was the doc and told the younger one she had a rash and needed medicine, then went away for a minute (I was banging on the door frantically and trying to get out) then she came back and described how the 'patient' would need to apply this ointment several times a day to the rash. About that time I had managed to pick the lock, came out of the closet and busted the older girl spreading iron cleaner (a corrosive agent- one of the ingredients is lye) on her little sister's legs. I had to put her in the bath and call the poison control center. She was fine but I never sat for those girls again.
5. The little boy Kalzone4 watched was really into musicals. Well, just one musical.
I used to babysit this maybe 8-9 year old boy and his little sister (I was about 13 and their mom worked for my parents)after school for about two hours. For about two weeks straight he would put on Rent, fast forward to the stripper scene and just watch it on repeat three or four times. A few times he even licked the tv screen. It was so uncomfortable. I never told his mom about it lol
6. Fireflyfanboy1891 learned that kids aren't always great with the concept of suspense.
I had a really good experience babysitting two goods throughout high school. They were both elementary school kids, and the daughter was 2 years older than the son. The one crazy experience I had involved "Back to the Future." I love movies, and I always brought some to watch before bed. We watched Star Wars, The Princess Bride, Superman, a lot of my all time favorites. We watched "Back to the Future" and the kids were really getting into it, and liking it, which was great. It was at the climax. Marty has brought his parents together at the dance, and he goes to the Delorean. He turns it on, and the car fails. If you know the scene, you know Marty says something like "Oh, no" with a panicked look on his face before it cuts back to what Doc Brown is doing. After he says this, both kids start crying hysterically.
"MARTY'S GONNA DIE!!!" "HE'S NEVER GONNA GO BACK TO THE FUTURE!!!" "HE'S NEVER GONNA SEE HIS MOMMY OR HIS DADDY OR HIS GIRLFRIEND EVER AGAIN!!!" "HE'S GONNA DIE!!!" "HE'S ALREADY DEAD!!"
And this isn't like pouting or anything light. This kids are inconsolable. They're crying, tears just streaming down their face. They're screaming. Nothing I tell them (which mostly consists of "Hey, guys, just watch the movie! I think things will turn out okay!") is making any difference.
I have no idea where they got this idea that BTTF would end so terribly! I tried calming them down, but nothing I was doing was helping, so finally I threatened to turn off the movie unless they calmed down. That worked.
Hanging out with those kids was a great experience, and this is literally the only time things went a little too crazy.
7. LOLBRBY2K's worst experience sounds just as bad for the kid as it was for her.
I used to have to babysit kids in an family friendly office environment (a place where clients would dump their kids for short periods).
The worst was when I had to supervise a 10 year old kid who kept staring at my breasts and by the end of the hour had a huge boner in his track pants. I wasn't wearing anything revealing but yes, I am a woman and I have boobs. Anyways, he seemed really anxious and embarrassed and kept trying to hide his erection with stuff. I just tried to distract him with board games and hoped it would go away before his mom came back.
It didn't. She saw the boner and immediately asked what we were doing while she was gone. The kid didn't answer right away so she started freaking out and saying stuff to her kid like "how could this happen?! You're too young for this" and "what's wrong with you?!" I was like whoa, WTF kind of response is that? I basically had to tell her (and her son, who I felt super bad for at this point), look, he's almost a teenager, erections are normal. Sometimes they happen for what seems like no reason. I didn't molest your kid, if that's what you're thinking. There are windows and cameras everywhere and my boss is across the hall if you want to talk to him.
After she talked to my boss, she finally calmed down. The kid finally told his mom that I didn't touch him and that he just thought I was pretty and got aroused. My boss, who was amazing, actually told her that she should read one of those "What's Happening to My Body?" type books that are intended for teenagers.
She ended up apologizing to me, but it was still the worst day ever. Probably both for me and her son.
8. Cruentus5 probably still cringes when she hears a kid say "look what I can do!"
I was watching the most adorable little boy that lived on my street. The last few times i had watched him we had some power struggles, but this day he was being really good and I decided he could have some of the other neighborhood kids over to play. These kids were batshit crazy and I hated them, but I decided to put up with them as a reward for my kid not fighting me on all the rules. I left them alone playing with legos while I cleaned up the dishes from dinner. One of the other boys walks into the kitchen doing a crazy pee pee dance, insisting that he needs my help going to the bathroom. I thought it was weird because he was 5 or 6 and should have been able to go on his own, but I say fuck it and walk him to the bathroom. He then excitedly shouts "Look what I can do!", pulls off his clothes, and proceeds to spray the entire bathroom with piss, acting like a fireman trying to put out a fire with his tiny hose. Not even a single drop makes it into the toilet. I calmly tell all the kids they have to go home, pop a movie in for my kid to keep him occupied, go into the other room an burst into tears on the phone with my mom as I explain what happened and ask for her to come over to help me clean it all up before the parents got home. I don't know why I thought it was such a big deal at the time. Years later I find this absolutely hilarious.
9. Sounds like storyteller623 was much safer outside than inside.
Little boy locked me out of the house, ran back and forth between glass doors on opposite sides of the house to taunt me and then promptly climbed a large shelving unit and pulled it over on himself. Parents were called, many band-aids were involved, he was the one that got the scolding but I never watched him again.
10. Persondude27 draws the line at having an actual spear thrown.
I took a job tutoring, but the mother of the family thought that meant I would also babysit her younger son as well.
I took a job to teach a kid German. I kind of stumbled into the position, but he was attending a small private highschool and was required to take two years of a foreign language to graduate. His mom mentioned that he had ADHD and it would be hard for him to retake another year. She'd arranged with the school board that if he could take the national exam and pass, it would count as his second year.
He was 16 years old and his family lived in a gorgeous, $2M house in the most affluent neighborhood in our area. His dad owned some sort of African safari business, so they had all sorts of awesome stuff lying around. Ceremonial masks, spears, drums, animals, etc.
I tutored him twice a week for several weeks. Mom thought that I could be there under 2 hours a week and get her kid through highschool German. So I tried assigning homework, and he refused to do it. I spent almost three weeks working on one thing that he should've learn in twenty minutes. That ended when I asked him to turn to page xx in his textbook, and he responded by ripping the page out and eating it.
Later that week, mom reprimanded me for it, because I should've set out a snack for him and his 12 year old brother, since they were clearly hungry.
I gave it another couple of weeks, but the final straw was when he got worked up and started jumping around. He ran in and out of the kitchen and grabbed a traditional African spear and threw it at me. I moved slightly, avoided the spear, but landed in their very, very nice leather couch. It was a very real spear that went straight through the couch. I grabbed my bag, my laptop, and walked out.
The mother didn't understand why I left.
I'm a professional babysitter, now is my time to shine.
I've had kids who've never heard the word "no", I've had parents who just don't give a single shit, families who've tried to shake me down and underpay me, and kids who have stabbed me with scissors.
Nothing compares to the two kids I looked after recently, who I'll call Rod (18months) and Todd (3years).
I met the family and the mother kept insisting if I wasn't comfortable, I could just leave. I said "no child's ever been so bad I've ever wanted to leave! It's all fine!". Boy howdy, I was goddamn wrong.
Inside the house was litter of a ton of different pyramid scheme "MLM's" the mother had tried (Tupperware, Scentsy, Herbalife etc), so I knew off the bat I was dealing with mediocre levels of crazy. This level was ramped up to 11 when I noticed family photos of her breastfeeding other children, then photos of her children being breastfed by a myriad of different women. Okay, no biggie, the kids are probably just a little weird, that's cool.
8 am: Rod screams bloody murder after his Mum leaves. Understandable, he's just a toddler! I cuddle him during this time, and he begins to try to unbutton my top to feed from me. NOPE. I feed both the kids some breakfast. Todd tries to drink my coffee, then throws the mug on the floor.
9 am: I take both children on a trip to the local park. I'm sworn at, bitten and deal with a nuclear tantrum when I tell Todd that he can't wear his brother's bike helmet, because it's too small and he'll be injured if it comes off when he falls.
9:45 am: Rod has eaten more sand than I thought humanly possible. Todd is still crying about helmets.
10am: We return home. Both are screaming at me because their favourite show isn't on TV until midday.
12pm: Mum has told me that Rod goes down for a midday nap. Nope. Absolutely not. I have a crucifix thrown at me during this tantrum.
3pm: The boys have eaten three times, and not small meals. I am told that I'm "evil" because I won't let them eat raw brownie mix with their hands while trying to do a fun cooking activity with them. Later, they tell their Mum I haven't fed them.
5pm: Mum comes home and immediately each kid takes a titty. I spot the husband in the driveway, sitting on his phone, trying to pretend he isn't home yet. My condolences, dude.
I thought I'd be a little creative and take the kids to a local children's festival. There are activities, games and things to do here other than scream.
9am: The boys arrive, Mum drops them off and pissbolts out of there. I don't blame her.
10am: Every time we walk past a cafe, food store or anything, I deal with a tantrum from Todd that I'm starving him. He's eaten two snacks plus breakfast at this point. We wait for the museum to open at 10:30, and I am blamed for the late opening time.
10:30am: Rod promptly has a blowout shit. Todd is chanting "I'm hungry" over and over again. I look like the world's biggest asshole to any passers by, as I'm trying to ignore the behaviour.
11:00am: They decide they hate the museum. Cool. Awesome. I take the boys to the cinema.
11:15am: Todd looks me in the eye as the movie starts and says "we're leaving.". Unhinges his jaw and begins to scream bloody murder. Rod takes this time to stick his hand in someone's slurpee who was next to us.
12:30pm: It's after lunch, and I take the boys to the playground. Todd insists on going on the slide, but cannot understand how to queue up for it. He stands still, even when I'm trying to coax him onto the ladder. I take him to another part of the park and he's upset that I'm depriving him of line-standing time.
2pm: What would a day be without two angry kids trying to breastfeed from me? Snacktime again as I try and redirect this behaviour.
3pm: I practically throw the kids back to Mum, and go the fuck home.
I adore kids, but when a parent has neglected to teach them basic life skills and manners it becomes very difficult to be patient with them. I didn't accept these clients when they wanted me the next week. I am yet to be paid by Mum.