Kids' rooms can truly be a nightmare. God only knows what's lurking under all the toys and clothes that accumulate, seemingly in mere seconds, all over every available surface—not to mention the things forgotten or stowed away in secret places. The younger kids are apt to have weird, gross stuff lost or hidden in the mess, and the older ones are sure to have something slightly (or highly) inappropriate (and often still weird and gross, too) stashed somewhere among all the other typical teenage accouterments. Take, for example, this dad in Texas who found a (nearly empty) bottle of whiskey in his daughter's sock drawer while she was away, and sent her a really nice video just letting her know they'd be having a little chat when she got home.
In that vein, here are 16 of the weirdest, funniest, most shocking, and straight up grossest things parents have ever found in their kids' bedrooms, found in several Reddit threads (as well as a few other places).
A Playboy taped to the underside of his mattress. So if you lifted the mattress you wouldn't directly see it.
2. FaustusRedux is obviously not in on the secret.
I do not know why, but my 8 year old has taped a mustard packet to his door and labelled it "Top Secret."
3. Starshyne83's son had a pretty mean lazy streak.
I noticed a lot of our large glasses were missing, so I went down to my stepson's room. Found all the missing glassware under his bed, filled with urine. Turned out he didn't feel like coming upstairs to use the bathroom late at night...
4. mikehlav's son is a little too enthusiastic about arts and crafts.
One time a bunch of my wife and I's condoms went missing. I didn't think much of it. I just figured I had misplaced them. About 3 weeks later I was in my sons room when I noticed a absolutely putrid smell. It seemed to be coming from his open window. I slowly and cautiously approached. The smell became stronger, until I was literally gagging. I could not take it anymore. I peeked my head out the window. There it was, tacked to the wood framing right underneath the roof, was a line of more than 15 slimy blue condoms. Each one was stuffed, absolutely full, of every shape, texture, and color of shit. They were all stuffed so full that there is no way he didn't get his hands dirty shoving it all in there. I had to confront him about it. He told me he was making wind chimes..... Wtf?
My daughter is five and it seems as though my wife and I and others have bought her every doll or stuffed animal known to man. I was picking up the house one day and of course found one her dolls outside its lair in the living room. I go to return it to her room and as I walk in i realize every single one of her dolls was set up staring directly at the door where i had just entered. Freaked me out a little. When my daughter got home from school I had to ask her why, cause she had never arranged them like that before, and she casually stated she wants them all to see her when she gets home. Sounds reasonable.
6. Cannedbeans's son's plan was almost perfect.
When my son was around 6, I was cleaning his room, and came upon a very big ball of thread, inside of a sock, intermingled with cheetos. I unraveled it, and discovered he had tied the cheetos at intervals along the thread, creating a kind of cheeto garland. I asked him about it, and he said he was going to try and eat them, one at a time, and then poop the string out, and floss himself. Flawless logic.
7. Lextron5000's cousins got themselves some pets.
My aunt found two dried up goldfish behind the bed...they have never had goldfish...
8. Posted on Reddit by Elshak, this thoughtful dad found something belonging to his obviously older child and asked before disposing of it.
Overall my kid is pretty normal. He's 7, and a month ago I found an envelope with the words "top secrt" written on it hidden under his mattress. I opened it and he had written all over a piece of paper "my favorit color is PINK" over and over. His favorite color has been green since he's been 2. (Or so I thought.) We talked to him about it and he was afraid he'd be teased for liking pink. (We've just moved to a new area and adjusting to the new school has been difficult.) We talked to him about it and he now has a few pink shirts and we're looking to see if we can find pink toys that aren't girls toys. (He wants superheroes, soldiers and legos,...but pink. It's harder than you think.)
10. 50MillionChickens's son had already picked out his future career, and even added a back-up plan.
My 8-yr-old son had a folded up note in his drawer that said "My future" on the outside. On the inside there was a line down the middle.
One side: "CIA"
Other side: "Janitor"
My five year old son wrote on the foot board of his bed with a crayon: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME
It freaked me out for a moment but I realized it was a message for closet and under-the-bed monsters.
12. A mother on Mumsnet using the handle myotherusernameisbetter cleaned her son's room and found a bunch of empty food containers and one full one.
Yes, I know he is perfectly capable of doing his own room, but today DS2 (13) was away for the day and I was waiting on hospital visiting time as my Mum is very unwell, I needed something to keep me occupied so I decided to do DSs room as a treat.
He usually picks up all his laundry and clears up any rubbish on a Saturday himself as that's his responsibility but as he was away at 9am he didn't have a chance yet. We have a "no food upstairs" rule.
Anyway, apart from the dirty laundry I found:
2 empty juice bottles
1 empty smoothie carton
1 empty milk shake carton
6 empty crisp packets
3 apple cores
a pile of orange peel
a pile of sweet wrappers
some bits of popcorn
2 plastic bowls
2 plastic cups
......and a Pringle tube full of urine
We are going to have to have a talk when he gets home!
13. Underverbed's daughter understood that sometimes you need a light snack to get you through the night.
A stack of tortillas under my daughter's pillow. I think she was 5 years old at the time.
14. Menudotacoburrito's son learned about sharing, and decided he wasn't into it.
I once found 32 juice box straws in my sons room. He was 3 at the time, and had gone through the entire case of juice boxes, pulled the straws off and hid them so his sister (who was 4) couldn't drink them. He knew how to poke a hole in the top and suck it out, and she couldn't. If his plan had worked they would have all been his.
15. Bonro's kids were as surprised as she was.
Happened a few years ago when my son was about ~14, daughter ~11.
My son is on a local swim team and goes to practice every day after school. He's a talented swimmer but sort of a disorganized kid, and at first I didn't bat an eye when he reported he'd misplaced his swim goggles. So I bought him another pair...which he promptly also lost. This went on for quite awhile, leading to shouting matches -- the goggles weren't expensive but they weren't cheap ($20-$25 range), and after about the tenth pair I told him he'd need to pay to replace future pairs himself. Still kept losing them. I didn't know whether to be exasperated or amused. Mostly exasperated, at the time.
About a year later I'm supervising my daughter as she cleans her room and we pull the bed away from the wall. There's a clattering sound, and a pair of swim goggles appears out of nowhere, seeming to fall from beneath the mattress. My daughter looks convincingly clueless. I investigate and find a tear in the bottom of the upholstered box spring and 31 pairs of swim goggles stashed inside my daughter's bed. It was like a clown car -- every time I reached in and retrieved a pair, more pairs would come tumbling along with it. My daughter swore she had no idea what happened, but eventually we figured it out: her pet ferret, Miles, had been stealing the goggles and stashing them when she let him out to play. There was some other junk in there, too -- a couple of pens and the insole of a sneaker -- but goggles were clearly his favorite. He'd been taking them from my son's gym bag, always left on the floor with the zippered flap conveniently ajar in the next room.