Most dads see fatherhood as a way of amusing themselves. If they're not telling "dad jokes," they're lying to their kids for no reason other than laughing at their childlike gullibility. Here are some dads who revealed to Reddit the hilarious and amazing lies they kept their kids believing for way too long.
1. Some people, like getut's kids, are just so touchy about spontaneous amputation.
When both my kids lost their first tooth, I always tell them just wait till you lose your baby fingers and baby toes. You go for weeks with just little nubs.
2. If you're a parent, odds are you'll try this one from pheothz today.
My parents convinced my sister and I that it was illegal to talk in the car.
Worked on my sister until she was about 10.
3. The father of kissitallgoodbye found a way to make a cool scar even more awesome.
My dad has this weird scar on his hip/side. When we were little he said it was from fighting a dinosaur. Then it was from fighting a bear when we called him out on the dinos.
4. The one thing more terrifying than FluffyBunnyVampire's tree sharks? Ocean woodpeckers.
When my two sons were very young (say 5 or 6), we lived in a small apartment complex which had a small forested area directly behind it. Because my kids had a habit of disappearing when allowed to play outside, I told them to be especially careful in the forest or they would be eaten by tree sharks.
I further explained that these were like land bound piranha that lived in trees like squirrels and would drop on their heads when they weren't looking. It worked and they refused to even walk close to the trees in the backyard the entire time we lived there.
It eventually became a long running joke that continued well after we moved out of that complex.
They figured it out somewhere around age 12 or 13 when my now wife/then girlfriend looked confused when they told her she needed to start paying attention to the branches above her while we were out hiking.
5. Unfortunately this add-on from DipsophobicAlcoholic's dad still isn't street legal. Or real.
My dad convinced me there was an "ah woo gah" button in his car. Whenever I would press to button he yelled "ah woo gah." I had no idea it was him for longer than I care to admit too...
6. PainKiller35 used the Force the way it should be used: for lying.
My 5 year old actively believes I can use the force. Been shutting doors with my foot while waving my hands at them. Hasn't caught on yet.
7. But in reality, tbn904's father was the Blue Power Ranger.
My dad convinced me he was the green power ranger when I was 3 and I believed it for years. He traveled for work and told me that's when he had to fulfill his power ranger duties
8. It was a veritable Bananarama in printsinthestone's backyard.
I'm not a dad, but when I was a kid (3 or 4), I "planted" some banana slices in our back garden one morning. When I went back after lunch, my dad had put a branch in the ground, and sellotaped a load of bananas to it. I was blown away - but also noticed the sellotape. My father's response? "Sellotape grows on banana trees, that's how we get it". I must have believed that for about three years.
9. Kids hate toilets, and Desdraftlit turned that hate into respect.
I convinced my twin daughters that there were no more diapers in the world; and because of said shortage is why they had to learn to go potty on the toilet.
There were many tears, but after two days I got them trained at the same time.
10. All bad news should be delivered in the jaunty way suggested by highlandnilo.
That the music an ice cream van plays is a warning meaning they have run out of ice cream. If you're reading this kids, it is true :-)
11. And yet, hammy1227, that's what tomato soup is.
My dad knew that I didn't like tomatoes so when he made tomato soup that first time he told me it was "ketchup soup" so I would eat it. I thought that was what it was called until I was 16, tried ordering it at a restaurant and they were like wtf is that.
12. This bit from Kardis331 might as well be true. Who the hell knows what a hippo says anyway?
My daughter had a bunch of toy animals in this zoo play set. We were playing with them one day and I had the hippopotamus . She asked me what the hippo said so I went "Hippo Hippo." Well it stuck, she kept thinking they said that for another 5 years or so and we still joke about it now that she is 12.
13. andillfakeyouout's dad is just a big ol' pumpkinhead.
Every year when I was a kid, my sister and I used to find giant pumpkins in the field behind our house around Halloween-time. We were always so excited...it was like a little holiday on its own, and we always used to think that they grew there, which made us even more excited. Anyways, in high school, we found out that my dad bought the pumpkins and put them there each year when we were at school. Broke our hearts.
14. ishatonmybed has the rare kids who actually brush without complaint. And floss.
That if you don't brush your teeth before bed, the Tooth Fairy comes in the middle of the night and shits in your mouth, which is why it tastes so yuck and your breath smells.
15. Elsrick invented rainbow cows.
I had my son convinced for almost 2 years that colored cows ran by the house sporadically and I would milk them for their colored milk.
In reality I'd just add blue, green, red, or yellow food coloring to good old milk.
16. Jizzlobber42 got all the cookies. Forever. He is a hero.
I told my kids that the chocolate chips in the cookies were actually my boogers, and that's just how they come out after being cooked. My kids still won't eat chocolate chip cookies and they are now 22 and 17 years old. I am fucking awesome