39 lies people kept up for way too long.

39 lies people kept up for way too long.

Everyone, no matter how honest they claim to be, tells lies. Often these are white lies meant to make another feel better. Sometimes these lies are a little more malicious and are actually a sign of a more devious personality. Here are 39 lies from a few different Reddit threads that cross the spectrum of fun to sinister.

1. KingAlfino's friend was desperate to stop eating parsnips.

That my friend likes parsnips. Every weekend he’d come for Sunday dinner after Ice Hockey. My Dad was under the impression he loved parsnips because he had them once and used to make him extra every week. Rather than tell him ‘I’m not a fan of the food you’ve made me for years‘, he continued to eat them despite literally hating them. One day, he took them from the fridge and hid them just so my dad would think we didn’t have any in. My dad went and bought some so he didn’t miss out.

This lie lasted for about 6 years.

2. MyopicChihuaha's friend begrudgingly reinvented himself in college.

Knew a guy from HS whose name we pronounced incorrectly for literally upwards of 20 years. (Basically the equivalent of pronouncing someone's name Ger-AAAAld instead of Gerald). Turns out someone said his name that way in elementary school and he not only just went with it, but never bothered to correct any new people when they learned his name. He even introduced himself that way, through all 4 years of college, even though those were all new people who could have just learned to say it correctly from the start.

Literally only found out when a group of friends met his fiance, who pronounced his name the correct way, and he admitted that everyone had been saying his name wrong this entire time.


3. njohnivan's kid hasn't grasped the concept of truth yet.

My daughter carved her initials into our coffee table with a thumbtack. She claims to this day it “must have been a cat scratching at it.”

4. SandraVirginia's got a story involving some magical math.

My husband works with a lot of military guys. One of these guys, who we've known forever now, has a wife who is the most fantastic liar I have ever encountered. Guy deployed for a year, wife moves in a different dude because they're "just friends" and she's "just helping him out while he looks for an apartment." Guy comes back from deployment (other dude miraculously found his own place just weeks before that). A month later, wife announces she's pregnant. Some time later, baby is born "12 weeks premature," but somehow weighs 7 pounds and is totally healthy. To this day, my husband's friend believes he's the kid's father and his son is some kind of medical miracle.


5. -Kiwi-Man-'s friend doesn't want to face the truth, and that's okay.

We have caught our mates wife legit cheating on him at least a half a dozen times, and had our suspicions hundred of others. More than a few mates have tried to tell him and he’s ostracised them. She continues to make up stories to us to explain the stuff they have told him and every time her stories make less sense or completely contradict things we have seen with our own eyes.

Like she once told our friend she was going to stay with a female friends one weekend. A mate saw her and another guy in a completely different city two hours away holding hands and making out at a cafe and shit. He took a photo of them and showed it to our mate. He asked her about it and she keeps telling us it’s someone different. Who just looks exactly the same and owns the same dress, handbag, glasses etc. And no one has ever met this other girl she was supposedly staying with that weekend, and the other girl doesn’t have Facebook or anything. Even her husband hasn’t met this other girl she’s apparently really good mates with. She’s so full of shit.


6. tossmeawayagain's friend was really dedicated to his lie.

When I was in elementary school, a kid made up a band. It was called 20 eyeballs. It was the best grunge band in the world, and I was apparently an idiot for not hearing about and loving it. For weeks he ramped this shit up, eventually making a fake cassette tape cover with the "band" logo, and recording his brother's garage band practice to play for me, saying that it was 20 eyeballs. He "went to a concert" one weekend where he got "so high" (we were twelve years old), got a signed t-shirt (in puff paint), and just kept hammering away at this shit. Eventually, after listening to the cassette I said something like "they don't sound terrible" and that lukewarm acceptance was enough.

He shouted from the rooftops how I was SOOOOO gullable for believing in this lie (I said his brother's band wasn't terrible, but that was enough apparently), and what a fucking loser I was. For three fucking years he would bring this up over and over, in the classroom, at every recess if I got within 20 feet of him, when we'd run into each other outside school. Most kids didn't care, but he took the weirdest delight in tormenting me.

If you're reading Kevin, you were a weird fucking kid and I hope you grew out of it.


7. tedfitzy's name change does not make sense.

My name's Theo, but I went by Victor for a few months because I was too meek to say correct anyone. I never really got around to informing my friends that my name is Theo, and they still call be Victor. I answer to two names now.

8. ilvostro's friend killed his dad.

A good friend of ours has always had a crush on another guy we know well. unfortunately, early on in their friendship while talking about their families, second guy revealed that his father had passed away when he was young (true) and first guy, in that nervous attempt to relate to and impress a crush that I’m sure many people understand, blurted out that his father had also passed away (false).

He felt horrible about it from the second he said it, but can’t figure out a way to explain himself without looking like a total piece of shit, and has simply accepted the reality that he can’t ever pursue a relationship with this guy. A couple years ago he slipped up and mentioned something about his dad to the second guy, who questioned it, so he now pretends his actual dad is his stepdad.


9. KipperAVL's little lie quickly snowballed.

After keeping this from my parents for 20 years, I finally came clean last week and have no qualms with sharing my story on the internet.

When I was 12 I was invited on a skiing trip with a friend and his church youth group. I had never been skiing before, but I thought "Hey! Skiing looks awesome! This'll be fun!"

After a morning of getting the basics of pizza-ing and french fry-ing down on the bunny slope, I tried my hand at the beginner's hill.

Skiing isn't as easy, or as awesome as it looks in the movies. In fact, when you start off, you spend a lot more time on your ass, and snow is... get this... cold, and wet.... And the process of getting back up on your skiis over and over again after falling can be.... trying for a young 12 year old. A 12 year old that couldn't help but notice that the ski lodge at the bottom of the hill not only had hot chocolate... but a full arcade!

Please understand that what occurs next was purely fueled by a 12 year old desire to stop falling over, to be warm, and to spend the rest of the afternoon sipping hot cocoa and playing Metal Slug.

I had fallen over yet again, and I just didn't care to get up. I was lying face down in the snow with my head over my arm, and I was over it. Skiing was not as fun as I had hoped. Two good samaritans pulled up beside me on their skis and asked if I was alright.

Here's where life changes forever. I had two choices. I can say yes, I'm alright, I've just given up on skiing and I look like a moron laying face down in the snow.... or... maybe I can say no.... and I'll be done skiing... I'll fake an injury and it'll be nothing but hot chocolate and video games until this nightmare is over and the church youth group is ready to head home....

I chose the latter. "No," I said "I'm not alright.... I fell over and there's something wrong with my foot"

Before I had a chance to retract my words, the good samaritan couple was off, they exclaimed they'd get help, to stay here, and the headed down the slope.

Once again I was faced with two choices... leave now and avoid whatever happens next, or stay here... laying face down in the snow. My 12 year old logic was sound. If they're getting help, it'd be very weird for the person who assistance not to be there when help arrived. And of course, once help arrives I'll be done skiing, and it'll be nothing but video games and hot chocolate all afternoon.

Within a few minutes there were sounds of shouting coming down the hill. "Ski Patrol, out of the way!" "Ski patrol, watch your left!" Three strong and prepared gentlemen in red jackets slid right up next to me. They were on skis themselves, and had with them a red sled type of thing.

Once again I was asked the question: Are you alright? And being that I've already said no once, I felt like I had to say no again. Which I did. But not wanting the effort of these gentlemen who came to rescue me feel less than well invested, I replied with "No, I fell, and heard something go pop, I think it's my ankle"

They gingerly loaded me into the sled and together we headed down the hill at a rapid rate of speed. They were very nice guys, but I was too mortified to speak, not due to the lies that had ended me in such a sled but rather due to the fact that as we rolled down the hill together I saw my friend, and each and every other member of the youth group, including the organizers. All of their faces were riddled with shock and horror at seeing me in the red ski patrol sled.

They took me to some sort of ski slope medical center, where I was given a bed and a doctor gingerly removed my ski boot and asked me questions while moving my foot leg and ankle. "Does this hurt?"

Who was I to say no now? "Yes! Ouch" There was an awful lot time going into ascertaining just how, and how much I had hurt myself. Time I could have been spending playing video games and drinking hot chocolate. But I was willing to ride it out and let these guys do whatever they needed to do, it would only be a matter of time before I was lounging.

The church youth group leader arrived. He apologized profusely, saying that he never thought that one of the kids under his watch would get hurt, and that I didn't need to worry, he had already called my parents to let them know about the incident.

I was never released from the medical center. There was no hot chocolate and video games, just empty white walls, and people in actual need of medical attention. I laid in that bed for 4 additional hours waiting for the ski trip to conclude. What could I do? Tell these guys I was feeling miraculously better? I accepted my fate.

The ride home seemed to take forever, and when we pulled into the church parking lot, I felt as though my self created nightmare would be over. I'd hop in my dad's car and life would be normal the next day. This dream was shattered when I saw my father, waiting for me there in the parking lot, with a pair of crutches and foam foot brace.

He carefully put the brace on my foot and I took the crutches... I took those crutches and I used them for the next two weeks. 14 days of life on crutches at a middle school that had three floors of stairs, and no elevator. I lived the illusion of having a foot injury for 2 weeks, all for video games and hot chocolate, which I never got.

My mother tried to take care of me during this period, offering to make me soup or bring me magazines, everything I refused... I couldn't stand the idea of her being sweet to me when I was lying to them.

I finally told them about this last week, it came up on my radio show, I called them and came clean... they both laughed intensely. My mother called me clever for getting out of skiing. Where as my father felt as though living two weeks on crutches to get out of an afternoon of skiing was the opposite of clever.

TL:DR I faked an injury so I could get out of skiing and ended up keeping up the lie by living on crutches for the next two weeks.


10. alwayslurkeduntilnow's got a lie that no one really believed.

A student still maintains the lie that his younger brother was stabbed to death in the bedroom next to him and that he found the body the next day. He has told this story to many staff and students.

He is, and always has been an only child.

11. distractivated might've had a terrible first boyfriend but she gained an early education in how people can be the worst.

My senior year of high school, I had my first boyfriend. He went to my high school, but had graduated and was a sophomore at a nearby college. He came home weekends and breaks, so we spent time together when he did.

As it turned out, he had never actually broken up with another girl from our high school who he'd been dating for 2 years. She'd moved to a different state and they kept dating long distance. He went as far as to fake a fight on the phone and "broke up with her in front of his parents, so they didn't know he was cheating.

I found out and called him out in front of his family and I don't think his mom has forgiven him yet. That was 8 years ago.

He never broke up with the girl, she never believed anyone who warned her, he continued to cheat all through college. She finally graduated from her college and they got married last summer.


12. regdayrf2's story is sad but impressive that it lasted for so long.

The friend of my mom quit his job, but didn't tell my mother. To hold the lie upright, he left the house at 7:30 am and went back at 5:30 pm. He spent most of his time in his car, browsed news on the mobile phone or read books.

This went on for 4 months before an acquaintance told our family, that my mother's friend doesn't work anymore. I still can't believe, that he spent most of his time in a car, ..., waiting for a better day.


13. K33p4l1v3 eats spice but not disgusting food.

I don't like when my wife cooks spicy food, the first time she did it we had just started dating and I didn't want to offend her, but the food she was feeding me looked, smelled and tasted disgusting. I didnt want to offend her, so i said that I dont eat spicy food. we have been together for 5 years now and married for 2, and to this day i have to tell her that I don't eat spicy food, even when she is not around i can't eat it around my friends in case they mention it in front of her. I once mentioned that "maybe I'll try to build a tolerance to it" and she started making it again and I just cant eat it, way to much spice, not even to hot, just to much spice. I get away with eating flaming hot cheetos because i tell her its not real spice.


14. Mpandingare's school needs to look into how they're monitoring their students.

Cheated on an end of year test at school. My friend took the test before me, told me a few questions so I looked it up online and wrote THE WHOLE ANSWER SCHEME on a slip of paper and took it into the exam. The school realised I'd got an abnormally high mark and had got word for word perfect answers.

I kept up my lie and had to lie to school officials, had big heated debates, got my parents involved. They said they were going to make me resit a test of the same calibre.

Because my parents had had a big battle with the school and were annoyed that they doubted me, I had to get good marks on my retest.

So, I found the last 10 years of mark schemes from that type of test online and wrote them down on bits of paper.

At the start, I handed in my phone to the deputy head (who was invigilating) and glanced at the year of the paper. I then asked if I could go to the toilet before the exam started, before she put the test on my desk. I took all the years of mark schemes out from my pants (because the teacher wouldn't be able to ask why I had a bulge in my underwear)

Aced the test again, deliberately word for for word to really rub it in that I'd out done them.


15. KindaShyChick is a dual citizen of lies.

My friend was once dating a British guy and she liked to playfully mock his accent. So one day she's going for a tattoo appointment to get a whole sleeve done and she's on the phone with her Brit. She's mocking him when she walks in and quickly says bye and hangs up when her tattoo artist overheard her and asked her if she was from England. For some reason she said yes and had to speak with a British accent for her entire session and talk about her life living in London.

Her tattoo came out amazing and that artist is now her go to guy so every time she goes for another tattoo she keeps up the charade of her being British.


16. laterdude's friend's grandpa made a very long visit.

My best friend in grade school.

We both grew up poor and I enjoyed many a syrup sandwich at his place. His mom was still in her early twenties when 'grandpa' came for a very extended visit and my best friend stopped inviting me over.

I noticed several changes right away. He got picked up in a Bentley now instead of an '88 Honda Civic. And his mom started wearing a diamond engagement ring and clutching Coach handbags, though my friend insisted it was Cubic Zirconium to scare away creeps and a knock-off brand she picked up in Chinatown.

Anyways, he kept up the 'poor kid' act all the way into high school when he would apply for need-based scholarships then blame the 'fuckin' minorities' when he didn't get them.

I decided to go over to his old place and have a word with him, since he had developed a reputation for being totally racist. Ends up the new residents thought I was off my rocker. They had lived there for eight years and told me the previous owner had married some rich, old dude and sold it to them for a song.

When I confronted my friend, he made me promise to keep his secret since he didn't want the school to think his mom was a gold digger who married up for money.


17. Every once in a while there comes along a cupcake you must eat. Robotnixon encountered a cupcake like this at a young age.

In the second grade a kid brought in cupcakes for his birthday. For 30 kids he had 25 chocolate and 5 vanilla, in case someone didn't like chocolate. I REALLY wanted a vanilla cupcake, so for some reason raised my hand and let the class know that I was allergic to chocolate.

This was apparently a really big deal to the kids in the class, and by recess it had spread through the school. For the next few days I was repeatedly asked if I was really allergic to chocolate, and I kept the lie going.

I never relented. I was the kid who was allergic to chocolate. Everyone knew that. Subsequent birthdays included chocolate free desserts for me. The school nurse had me on an allergy list. A note was sent home for the next few years alerting parents of the issue. I obviously never took mine home, and somehow this never got back to my parents.

I kept the lie going until I was 22. At that point I'd pretty much lost contact with everyone I'd gone to school with.

Tl;dr Wanted a vanilla cupcake so I gave up chocolate for 15 years.


18. Andersonenvy did not have a knack for singing.

My parents wanted me to be in "an activity" in high school.

I pretended to be in choir from 9th grade - 12th grade. I even had a choir robe (given to me) that I would dress up in, and actually leave the house whenever there was a choir performance - just finding someplace to hide, usually in an alleyway near my school.

One day, my mom came to see the choir perform. After the show, she said she didn't see me up there singing, but, I swore I was up there, she probably just didn't look hard enough. I also told her my name wasn't in the program because of a misprint. I still can't believe she bought that.

I did end up getting busted though, just before I graduated during a parent-teacher conference. My parents were not happy. They were so angry, that they said they wouldn't even punish me - as this behavior went beyond punishment - and I'd just have to live my life knowing how much I'd let them down. It worked, because, obviously I've never forgotten it.


19. Not all lies are bad: suitology's lie resulted in a useful skill.

friend of mine pretended to be left handed to switch his seat in class so he could sit next to this "cute thin blonde girl that smells like strawberries" that was actually left handed. He learned to write left handed and even switched hands for sports. he did this from 9th grade until we graduated. They are still going and he is ambidextrous now.

20. Erkinse is technically honest when he tells his girlfriend this now.

When I met my girlfriend I told her I smoked, because I thought it'd make me look cooler, (Yes I know it's a fucking dumb thing to say) and that I would stop if she didn't like it. Three and a half years later and she still thinks I quit for her. I feel like such shit whenever the topic comes up and she tells me how proud she is of me but it's gone on for so long I just gotta smile and say "It was nothing".


21. Qwertysac is a loving father.

I got married 4 years ago. There's this guy at work who's one of THOSE people. The type that keep asking you when you are planning on having a baby once you're married.

Since we didn't really have much in common and he heard i got married, that's the only thing he could come up with to start a conversation. It was just water cooler banter.

I kept telling him "when the time is right"... but he still kept asking me every time i ran into him.

"So, any kids on the way?"

"Hey, expecting any time soon?"

"Any plans on having a baby?"

I got sick of it. One day i just told him "yes, she's pregnant, we're having a boy.".. I figured it would shut him up.

I was so wrong. Jacob is 2 years old now, he started teething, he's said his first word, he keeps us up at night and... he doesn't fucking exist.

I've told my wife about this and she's thinks i'm an idiot. At this point, there's no looking back.


22. CockMeatSandwich got drunk with co-workers, which was a mistake.

I am red green colorblind. One Friday night, a bunch of co-workers and I went out to happy hour at a bar nearby. Everyone was pretty buzzed/drunk at the time and I mentioned that I am colorblind. Most people think there is only one kind of colorblindness, when You mention that you are colorblind, they automatically assume that you only see in gray-scale. This was the case this time around as well. Being a little drunk at the time, I didn't correct them because they were having such a happy time making jokes and stuff, I didn't want to burst their bubble and ruin the mood.

Its been a few months now and people here around work still believe that I am totally colorblind. I'm in way too deep now and I have to keep this charade going. There's been times when I almost said something like "That blue taco truck is outside our office again" before catching myself, in order not to expose myself.


23. Heightening the truth for co-workers is one thing. Appropriating a famous origin story, like Thatrandomguy007 did, is on a whole other level.

Ever since 7th grade, all of my closest friends have believed that I'm color blind. None of them know to this day, which is surprising, since my story detailing why I was suddenly became color blind was pretty much Daredevil's origin story.

24. ​This dude got his appendix out. He wasn't in it for the ice cream.

When I was about 14, I was on a beach with my Grandmother, brother and 2 sisters. A woman nearby us took her bikini top off, and my teenage mind exploded with hormonal lust. As a result I had to lie face down on the sand to hide my obvious excitement from my family.

Usually I would go swimming (love the sea) and my Grandmother asked why I wasn't going in the water. I lied and said that I had a pain in my side and this was the only way I could stay comfortable. This went on for long enough that she took me to the doctor the next day. I maintained the lie and as he poked and prodded my abdomen I went 'ow' and 'ouch' at random intervals to reinforce my story (hardly wanting to admit that my first sight of a topless woman had given me a hardon the likes of which I'd never experienced before.)

The doctor pronounced that I might have appendicitis, and to cut a long story short I ended up having an operation to remove it. 3 days in hospital and a long scar (this was in the early 80s, no keyhole surgery was available for the appendix at that time).

At least I know I'll never get appendicitis, but hell, that was a long and painful experience just for getting aroused at the sight of an adult woman's tits :-)

TL;DR: Got horny on the beach, lied to my Grandmother, got my appendix taken out. Would do again.


25. ​This person falsely avoided danger, all for the glory of seeing a cute dog.

When I was about 8, my little brother saw a husky dog and was talking about it non-stop all dinner time. I was so pissed that he saw this awesome dog that I piped up with "I saw one too! A man stopped his car when I was walking home with Jordi and he had a husky in the back of his car and he asked if we wanted to pat it. We didn't pat it, but we saw it, so I saw a cool dog too!"

My mom was immediately on the phone with Jordi's mom (who obviously knew nothing about this) but since there was an incidence of a guy a few towns over abducting a child, the parents went into momma-bear mode. The cops came to my house and asked me for a description of the guy and the car, and I was so terrified they were going to take me to prison that I stuck with this story to the bitter end. I described the car, the guy, and the dog in absolutely (entirely made up) vivid detail. The neighborhood had signs up on all the telephone poles, the elementary school organized car pools and attendance lists so no child was unaccounted for. This went on for weeks.

The panic slowly petered out, but the story stuck and every time my family would get together for years to come, the story about how glad my parents were that I had such a great memory for detail and how it was so good that Jordi and I never got into a car with strangers. I still haven't come clean.

tl;dr: I just wanted my brother to stop bragging about that fucking husky dog.


26. PSA: Ian is OK. He's living with the liar of this tale, Phallics.

I guess this counts as out of control.

After 5th grade, my friend Ian (who was in 4th grade) moved away to a different city. The next year when school started again, the kids in his grade realized that he wasn't around.

One day I ran into someone in his grade and they asked what happened to Ian. For some reason, my automatic resopnse was just, "He died i a horrible car crash." The kid was in awe. I assumed he was just mad that I gave him a douchey answer, so I didn't think anything of it when he just walked away.

Nothing really came of the situation immediately, but a couple years later I had someone else in that grade ask me about my friend. I told them that I just talked to him the other night and he was doing great. The guy just stood there dumbfounded. "I'm talking about Ian. The one that died in a car accident." he said as if I was a monster for forgetting about my best friend. I had no idea what he was talking about. He explained that I told someone that and now everyone in his grade thinks hes dead. Suddenly I realized what happened and explained that I was lying. He realized that even if he told everyone that Ian is alive, no one would believe him, so we kept it a secret.

Flash forward to late High School when Ian came to visit. He wasn't the kind of person who aged unrecognizably. We were at the park or something like that and we ran into someone he knew back in the day. After talking to the guy for a while, he told my friend he looked really familliar. Ian introduced himself and explained that he went to grade school with him. You could see the gears turning in the guys head, when suddenly it clicked. Instead of the excitement that Ian was expecting, he was met with the blankest of stares. At that point I had to explain to both of them what happened. Both agreed that the situation was amazing, and the guy invited us to a party that night.

The party was about the same. Conversation, confrontation about his familliarity, hilarious reaction. Laughter, anger, and a few tears were pretty common among the few people there that knew him.

Now, in our 20's, we're roommates. We live in a city near our old town so occasionally he gets these reactions from people he knew back when he was 10.


27. Orangesunshine has a very proud mother.

When I was in high school ... I smoked a lot of weed.

I figured out that since it was a plant, I might be able to save some money by growing it myself.

... so when I understood my parents to be away for a couple days. I skipped school with another delinquent friend of mine to build a grow box.

We go to home depot, get about half-way done .. and my dad pulls into the drive-way with our very large wooden box with aluminum foil on the sides in plain view.

We explain it's a science project "to maximize the amount of light" or something ... and he proceeds to help us finish it.

Fast forward 2 days, and my mom comes home ... and my dad proceeds to tell her about the science project.

Fast forward 1-week later ... and my mom has bragged to pretty much everyone she knows about how her genius son took the day off from school to work on a science project.

Fast forward to now -- and she still tells the story every so often.


28. Smellyjobbies brought back the dead with his creative story.

This was a few years ago when I was working on newly built LNG (Gas) Carriers. During the morning 12-4 Bridge watch I somehow ended up chatting about ghosts and things with the Filipino watch keeper. In the course of this conversation he mentioned that some of the guys onboard had noticed some strange happenings suggesting the vessel we are on was in some way haunted.

I don't know why I did this but I decided there was a chance for some lolz so totally deadpan I told him that during the construction of the accommodation (I was in the shipyard during the latter stages of construction which gave me more credibility here) a section of the accommodation block collapsed killing 3 Korean shipyard workers, and that this happened around C-Deck which is of course the deck all the crew stay on.

Welp the fuse was lit. The Watch keeper passed on this information to the rest of the crew - all Filipino and superstitious. Within the week ghost sightings were happening daily and most of the crew had opted to buddy up and sleep in each others cabins to avoid being alone at night. 1 particular cabin had been earmarked as the most haunted so the crew stopped staying in the adjacent cabins.

I was starting to get concerned by this situation. Fuck, even I was getting scared of the bloody ghosts and I was the one that made them up.

Things rapidly got out of hand. I couldn't backtrack from the lie or the crew would kill me, yet some crew members had started grumbling about wanting to sign off to avoid the ghosts which would have serious ramifications for their careers. I was stuck in a tough spot.

Luckily the Chief Cook fancied himself as a pastor. He carried out a full exorcism of the vessel and overnight the problem vanished. This was a week before we were due in Port. Massive buggering relief. I've since left that particular company but it is my understanding that some choice pages from the Bible have been stashed in the deck head plating of one particular cabin to continuously ward off the restless spirits of the those none existent dead Koreans.

TL:DR lied about a ship being haunted and things escalated. Luckily Jesus saved me when a Chief Cook moonlighted as a pastor and carried out an exorcism of the ship.


29. PenguinioPascala's friend is really the one who's been tricked—he doesn't realize other hairdressers exist.

A friend of mine has a running lie going with the hairdressers. The first time he went in there they thought he sounded American and asked if he was from there. His brain must have massively trolled him at that point as he replied Yes. Now everytime he gets his hair cut he has to talk about how much he misses America and how different England is whilst pulling off a terrible accent. It's been like 4 years... He's in too deep.

30. About_a_plankton thought hard about going to graduate school.

It was my last quarter in college and I failed Physics again. Everyone was coming down to see me graduate and have a party for me. I'd been to lots of graduations in my almost 6 years in college so I knew that they didn't have a big list of names, you handed the announcer a slip of paper with your name on it and they read it into the microphone. Then you get an empty diploma holder and go get your diploma after the ceremony. So the morning of graduation, I went to the auditorium with my cap and gown and found a person who was telling graduates where to sit, etc. and said, "OMG! I left my slip of paper at home! omg, omg, what can I do?" and she just asked me my name, wrote it down and handed me a new slip. I walked across the stage to the cheers of my friends and family, had an awesome graduation party and everyone went home. I moved to another state and the following summer came back, took that class, and really graduated (didn't go to that ceremony). I told my parents I was thinking about graduate school and wanted to take some classes to see if that's what I should do. Almost 20 years later and my they still don't know what happened. I see no reason to tell them, ever.


31. When will this person win their bet?

I once convinced an acquaintance I'm from Glasgow for a bet, and now everytime I see her I have to affect the accent, even around my friends/family although they already know the situation. I'm not from Glasgow.

32. Lalalala11 has a diploma, so there's a little bit of truth here.

I failed my MSc (Master of Science) - I really shouldn't have done that particular subject and ended up getting a postgraduate diploma.

I lied and got a job saying I have the masters degree. After we changed which group we belonged to at work my new manager brought me into his office and asked me if I have a masters degree (I assumed I was going to be fired) after he said that I was on the wrong pay grade and then proceeded to tell HR to give me more money. I got a 17% pay rise. For the months between him speaking to me and getting my pay rise my heart sank every time he looked mad at his computer (which he regularly does).

I felt bad because he was a really good manager.


33. Is this still a lie or is Want_Bourbon simply a jerk?

I told a girl I was dating that I was getting deployed because I was too big of a wuss to tell her that she was fucking weird and possessive. Two months later I actually did get deployed :/.

34. D1g1talB0y is religious, when it suits him.

I hate pork, so much so when ordering things like ribs, I would ask the wait person if they were beef or pork ribs. This usually resulted in a long delay as they went & checked, much to the dismay of the individuals I happen to be eating with. I got tired of explaining it, so I would just say: "I'm Muslim." Nobody ever pressed the issue, and friend still refer to me as their Muslim friend, and censor themselves in regard to racially or religiously indelicate humor. I am a white Atheist. Edit: Spelling


35. Poor Penny-lane21 got the hopes of his whole school up for nothing.

My sarcasm ended up disappointing my entire school when I was in the 12th grade.

There was an assembly that day and it was around the time that Wavin' Flag by K'naan was released and a pretty big song. There was supposed to be an assembly surrounding it, so I was talking in one of my classes and as a joke said "K'naan is apparently making an appearance", which wasn't exactly far fetched because my school is in Toronto, where he lived. By the end of lunch, everyone was talking about how they were actually pumped for this assembly cause K'naan would be there. Kids were running all over the place telling their friends and there was even some kids from another high school that found out and came over and tried to get into the assembly.

NO assembly in my 4 years there was ever this packed. Every seat was taken, the walls were lined and people all had their phones and cameras ready. By the end of the assembly, Wavin' Flag started to play and everyone was erupting with excitement...only to have the student council take the stage, hold hands and sing it while swaying in a camp circle game formation.

Needless to say everyone left confused and disappointed, wondering how this rumour started. I refuse to take responsibility for it publicly, but it's fucking hilarious every time it comes up.


36. JustAnOod bonded with a "brother" through his lie.

My best friend in elementary school had my same birthday, so he and I told everyone we were twins adopted to different families after our parents died in a car crash when we were babies. I was about ten when we started this idiotic (and hurtful, really) rumor, and even my parents went along with it (probably out of apathy). It was freshman year of high school when we finally told everyone it was a lie. People were pissed, and it was probably in bad taste, but I'm sort of proud of its longevity.

37. Ans933 is proof that your college major doesn't matter—so long as you're willing to lie about what it was.

I graduated with an English degree and was trying to find a job out where my (now) husband planned on going to graduate school. I promised him I wouldn't follow after him unless I had a job. I applied to anything and everything with no luck, and was running out of time before he moved. So I thought fuck it! I changed my résumé up and said I was a business major instead of an English major. Got a job a couple weeks later, which enabled me to move with him.

I then combined my fake business degree with my job experience for an even better job several months later. I did this a couple times more until applying for my current job. By that point, my experience mattered more than my degree and nobody cared.

TLDR: Use the skills of your crappy English degree to create a more hireable you. Apparently nobody checks that shit.


38. This person is probably related to Ferris Bueller.

First day of High School we had a tour of the building, and went thru the hallway near the gymnasium. I noticed there was a pay phone on the wall, and I took down the number. I listed the pay phone number as my home telephone number.

I would go to the nurse's office, pretend to be sick, and they would call my Mom, who was in fact my best friend who would answer the pay phone and tell them to release me and she would pick me up in the car outside in the parking lot. Then I was gone for the day!

It took someone 3 years to notice it was not my home number.


39. thehucklebuckster might win for the most difficult lie to uphold.

Met cute girl at a party, who told me she was vegetarian. I said "me too!". 12 years later we've been married for years, and I still sneak forbidden animal snacks several times a week.