Family

Breakups are tough, especially when children are involved. Reddit user <a data-testid="post_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/kidthrowaway76/">u/kidthrowaway76</a> reached her breaking point recently when it came to battling her ex for their kids. The kids chose dad as well, so she gave in to all of their demands for 100% custody.Her ex started backtracking once he realized that raising kids is actually a lot of work. She responded by basically saying, &quot;no takebacks&quot; and now she&#39;s wondering if she&#39;s a jerk. This is her story.<h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tdel0m/aita_for_refusing_to_take_50_percent_custody/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf">AITA</a> (Am I The As*hole) for refusing to take 50 percent custody after my children left themselves?</h2>She writes:<blockquote> I know the title makes me sound like an a-hole but hear me out. I (35 female) have three children with my ex-boyfriend (37 male). </blockquote><blockquote> We had 50/50 custody since our last daughter (7 years of age). June of 2021 he asked for 100 percent custody and of course, I refused. He threatened me saying he would get it. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> That Sunday when I got them for my week my children were angry and accused me of kid-napping them. The whole week they were too much so I gave him 100 percent custody while agreeing to pay child support. </blockquote><blockquote> It was summer so, of course, they were having lots of fun and since his new girlfriend couldn&#39;t have children it was like a perfect situation for them. </blockquote><blockquote> Well, I moved out of the house, got an apartment where I could easily pay rent, and began living my best life. It got kind of lonely but I reminded myself it was just me and I was free to do anything I want. </blockquote><blockquote> Well once school started problems rose at their house, he didn&#39;t know what to do when it came to school as I covered all of it. I gave him a binder with everything he would need to do. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> Well since January the kids and my ex have been begging to go back to 50/50 and I&#39;ve refused every time. </blockquote><blockquote> His reasons are 1. they cant have bedtime with them in the house, 2. working with the school for grades is too complicated, 3. he can&#39;t discipline them, 4. they expect an allowance, 5. he&#39;s sorry for threatening me. </blockquote><blockquote> I still refused and told them they made their choice. Well, he told my family and I&#39;m getting messages from everyone for not taking the kids back. So AITA? </blockquote>This is a tough situation for everyone involved, especially the children who are being pulled apart by mom and dad. I don&#39;t blame the mom for giving into the custody demands of her ex-boyfriend and kids. That&#39;s what they all said they wanted. I also respect her decision not to immediately give in to her ex when he wanted to back out of full custody after things got tough.<div className="ad-splitter"></div>I don&#39;t think she is &quot;The As*hole.&quot; However, I hope for the sake of her children she really commits to working on her relationship with them. They need to know they are loved unconditionally, despite the unfortunate issues she has with their dad.The reactions on Reddit were mixed between &quot;Not The As*hole&quot; and &quot;Everyone Sucks Here.&quot;<a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/BlairDaGreat/">BlairDaGreat</a><blockquote> NTA, the guy bit off more than he could chew. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/AccessibleBeige/">AccessibleBeige</a><blockquote> ESH. Neither of the parents seem to be very concerned about what&#39;s in the best interests of the children, only what is convenient or inconvenient to themselves </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Philaleche/">Philaleche</a><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> Now that he has to actually parent he can&#39;t. And now that the kids can&#39;t have Disney Dad all the time they want out. </blockquote><blockquote> Nope. NTA. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/PolesRunningCoach/">PolesRunningCoach</a><blockquote> ESH (the adults, that is) because your kids are the collateral damage in the war between you and the ex. Is the goal to do the best for them or hurt each other the most, because it definitely looks like the latter. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/wanderingdragon91/">wanderingdragon91</a><blockquote> Finally a NTA.. When you have kids screaming at you that you&#39;ve kidnapped them, blocking you, refusing to spend time with you what the hell is the mum supposed to do especially if he&#39;s fighting for 100% custody... </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/strikingfirefly/">strikingfirefly</a><blockquote> ESH. You&#39;re an AH to your children because you effectively gave up parenting them because they were angry and difficult for a week? </blockquote><blockquote> In a situation that is predictably stressful for them because they have two parents that can&#39;t get along? </blockquote><blockquote> You are not an AH to him and he&#39;s the AH in that situation because he has no business trying to go back on it now. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Realistic-Animator-3/">Realistic-Animator-3</a><blockquote> NTA. He got what he wanted- for you to pay child support. What he didn&rsquo;t count on was what school, homework, and after school activities does to parenting. </blockquote><blockquote> He filled the kids heads with lies/ bs do they wanted to live with him full time. If you were to revisit the custody percentage, make it in your favor. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> You&rsquo;ll need a bigger place, you have a lease&hellip; who will pay to break it? Etc </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sequinsmile/">sequinsmile</a><blockquote> ESH. Your ex is giving up on the kids now that parenting got harder, but then again that&#39;s exactly what you did. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Natfreerider/">Natfreerider</a><blockquote> When an ex-spouse turns your children against you (happened to me) there&#39;s not much you can do. </blockquote><blockquote> Your children think they know what they want because the ex convinced them but when reality hits they realize it&#39;s not all unicorns and rainbows. </blockquote><blockquote> I can&#39;t blame OP for this. OP.... You&#39;re NTA </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Bananapanda123/">Bananapanda123</a><blockquote> People would and should 100% judge a man who gives up custody of his young children because they were sassy for a week. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> OP decided her 7-year-old was capable of choosing to never live with her again? And that she could just settle into a child-free life to what? Teach her children a lesson? WTF? </blockquote><blockquote> Both parents are assholes. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Slumbering_Oaf/">Slumbering_Oaf</a><blockquote> I agree with most of the points but when the husband basically threatened OP that he would get full custody and only after he said that is when the children started acting out and saying that she was horrible and a kidnapper. </blockquote><blockquote> This just screams that the dad was poisoning the kid&#39;s minds trying to purposefully make their mother appear to be a horrible woman so that he could get his way. </blockquote><blockquote> In that respect, I can understand why OP was at her wit&#39;s end with it all and just agreed to give him what he wants and just be done with it. Of course, hubby found out sooner rather than later that being a full-time parent is a lot harder than it looks. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> I will say that they are both the AH or ESH but more so the dad/husband than OP. Since he purposefully made OPs kids a nightmare to deal with by poisoning their relationship and perception of their mother just so that he could fulfill his desire of having full custody. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Pand0ra30_/">Pand0ra30_</a><blockquote> NTA. Your ex wanted 100% custody and your kids said you kidnapped them. You moved into a smaller place so you could afford living. </blockquote><blockquote> You are paying child support. You are doing everything you legally need to do. If you are happy with the arrangement, keep it as is and live your life. </blockquote><blockquote> Men do this all the time. When a woman does it, she&#39;s a bad parent and abandoning her kids. </blockquote>After reading the replies, the OP (original poster) left an update. I&#39;m glad to hear she plans on putting her kids first from now on. See, sometimes the internet can be used for good.<div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> A lot of you think I should see them on weekends and try to rebuild relationships before going back to 50/50. </blockquote><blockquote> I think I will try this and thank you to the others who said I am the a-hole and have a good reason why. I will be putting my kids first from now on. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Mom asks if she's wrong for not taking back custody of kids after they chose dad.

Breakups are tough, especially when children are involved. Reddit user u/kidthrowaway76 reached her breaking point recently when it came to battling her ex for their kids. The kids chose dad as well, so she gave in to all of their demands for 100% custody.Her ex started backtracking once he realized that raising kids is actually a lot of work. She responded by basically saying, &quot;no takebacks&quot; and now she&#39;s wondering if she&#39;s a jerk. This is her story.AITA (Am I The As*hole) for refusing to take 50 percent custody after my children left themselves?She writes: I know the title makes me sound like an a-hole but hear me out. I (35 female) have three children with my ex-boyfriend (37 male).  We had 50/50 custody since our last daughter (7 years of age). June of 2021 he asked for 100 percent custody and of course, I refused. He threatened me saying he would get it.  That Sunday when I got them for my week my children were angry and accused me of kid-napping them. The whole week they were too much so I gave him 100 percent custody while agreeing to pay child support.  It was summer so, of course, they were having lots of fun and since his new girlfriend couldn&#39;t have children it was like a perfect situation for them.  Well, I moved out of the house, got an apartment where I could easily pay rent, and began living my best life. It got kind of lonely but I reminded myself it was just me and I was free to do anything I want.  Well once school started problems rose at their house, he didn&#39;t know what to do when it came to school as I covered all of it. I gave him a binder with everything he would need to do.  Well since January the kids and my ex have been begging to go back to 50/50 and I&#39;ve refused every time.  His reasons are 1. they cant have bedtime with them in the house, 2. working with the school for grades is too complicated, 3. he can&#39;t discipline them, 4. they expect an allowance, 5. he&#39;s sorry for threatening me.  I still refused and told them they made their choice. Well, he told my family and I&#39;m getting messages from everyone for not taking the kids back. So AITA? This is a tough situation for everyone involved, especially the children who are being pulled apart by mom and dad. I don&#39;t blame the mom for giving into the custody demands of her ex-boyfriend and kids. That&#39;s what they all said they wanted. I also respect her decision not to immediately give in to her ex when he wanted to back out of full custody after things got tough.I don&#39;t think she is &quot;The As*hole.&quot; However, I hope for the sake of her children she really commits to working on her relationship with them. They need to know they are loved unconditionally, despite the unfortunate issues she has with their dad.The reactions on Reddit were mixed between &quot;Not The As*hole&quot; and &quot;Everyone Sucks Here.&quot;BlairDaGreat NTA, the guy bit off more than he could chew. AccessibleBeige ESH. Neither of the parents seem to be very concerned about what&#39;s in the best interests of the children, only what is convenient or inconvenient to themselves Philaleche Now that he has to actually parent he can&#39;t. And now that the kids can&#39;t have Disney Dad all the time they want out.  Nope. NTA. PolesRunningCoach ESH (the adults, that is) because your kids are the collateral damage in the war between you and the ex. Is the goal to do the best for them or hurt each other the most, because it definitely looks like the latter. wanderingdragon91 Finally a NTA.. When you have kids screaming at you that you&#39;ve kidnapped them, blocking you, refusing to spend time with you what the hell is the mum supposed to do especially if he&#39;s fighting for 100% custody... strikingfirefly ESH. You&#39;re an AH to your children because you effectively gave up parenting them because they were angry and difficult for a week?  In a situation that is predictably stressful for them because they have two parents that can&#39;t get along?  You are not an AH to him and he&#39;s the AH in that situation because he has no business trying to go back on it now. Realistic-Animator-3 NTA. He got what he wanted- for you to pay child support. What he didn&rsquo;t count on was what school, homework, and after school activities does to parenting.  He filled the kids heads with lies/ bs do they wanted to live with him full time. If you were to revisit the custody percentage, make it in your favor.  You&rsquo;ll need a bigger place, you have a lease&hellip; who will pay to break it? Etc sequinsmile ESH. Your ex is giving up on the kids now that parenting got harder, but then again that&#39;s exactly what you did. Natfreerider When an ex-spouse turns your children against you (happened to me) there&#39;s not much you can do.  Your children think they know what they want because the ex convinced them but when reality hits they realize it&#39;s not all unicorns and rainbows.  I can&#39;t blame OP for this. OP.... You&#39;re NTA Bananapanda123 People would and should 100% judge a man who gives up custody of his young children because they were sassy for a week.  OP decided her 7-year-old was capable of choosing to never live with her again? And that she could just settle into a child-free life to what? Teach her children a lesson? WTF?  Both parents are assholes. Slumbering_Oaf I agree with most of the points but when the husband basically threatened OP that he would get full custody and only after he said that is when the children started acting out and saying that she was horrible and a kidnapper.  This just screams that the dad was poisoning the kid&#39;s minds trying to purposefully make their mother appear to be a horrible woman so that he could get his way.  In that respect, I can understand why OP was at her wit&#39;s end with it all and just agreed to give him what he wants and just be done with it. Of course, hubby found out sooner rather than later that being a full-time parent is a lot harder than it looks.  I will say that they are both the AH or ESH but more so the dad/husband than OP. Since he purposefully made OPs kids a nightmare to deal with by poisoning their relationship and perception of their mother just so that he could fulfill his desire of having full custody. Pand0ra30_ NTA. Your ex wanted 100% custody and your kids said you kidnapped them. You moved into a smaller place so you could afford living.  You are paying child support. You are doing everything you legally need to do. If you are happy with the arrangement, keep it as is and live your life.  Men do this all the time. When a woman does it, she&#39;s a bad parent and abandoning her kids. After reading the replies, the OP (original poster) left an update. I&#39;m glad to hear she plans on putting her kids first from now on. See, sometimes the internet can be used for good. A lot of you think I should see them on weekends and try to rebuild relationships before going back to 50/50.  I think I will try this and thank you to the others who said I am the a-hole and have a good reason why. I will be putting my kids first from now on. 

Breakups are tough, especially when children are involved. Reddit user u/kidthrowaway76 reached her breaking point recently when it came to battling her ex for their kids. The kids chose dad as well, so she gave in to all of their demands...