BREAKING TWITTER DRAMA ALERT: Comedian Jen Kirkman, author of I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids, is not very happy today. That's because she sat down to a coffee and—wouldn't you know it—someone's kid crawled under her table to slap her feet.

Trying to have a quick coffee at a place. But someone keeps slapped my feet. I don't know this child. His mother is doing nothing. pic.twitter.com/YT9DVI4Lql
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

Okay, sure. We've all been pestered by a random child at some point. But they are, you know, children. And if we want to judge the parent for this behavior, we can probably do that without tweeting. And even if we do tweet about it, we probably leave it at that instead of continuing to complain about children and parents in general. Right?

Mom should be doing something, but I think you can gently lead kid out from under and say “Excuse me, but you are in my space.”
— Sarah Orsborn (@erniebufflo) June 24, 2017

I'm not actually confused as to how to handle. I figured what I tweeted was a funny visual and I didn't need to get into the mundane. https://t.co/7XwRhExrWA
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

I had a no children rule at my wedding. No. Children. Now I'm a mom and I am so glad I had that rule!!
— Rouser of Rabble (@DCElleTee) June 24, 2017

I had one at mine too! Someone brought a newborn claiming it didn't count. https://t.co/AW0tljsuIo
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

When I was a kid it was understood other than IHOP or Howard Johnson's restaurants were for grown-ups. Adult pools too. https://t.co/xTXye7T95u
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

Writer of a book called "A Happy Life Without Kids" and 42 year old divorcee seems to have a problem with kids. More news coming at 11.
— ⛄ (@bigsnowtoday) June 24, 2017

What does being divorced have to do with not wanting kids? My husband and I didn't want them when we were married either. https://t.co/oEUSBDSJnS
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

To all the parents telling me my life isn't worthwhile without kids? It's Saturday. Get off the Internet and play with your worth.
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

She's probably happy he's being quiet. Not the best parenting but sometimes you pick the lesser disruption
— Mary Hasty (@maryshasty) June 24, 2017

Actually she was outside on the phone ignoring him alone inside and he wasn't being quiet. He was running under my table slapping my feet. https://t.co/Stw6SklpL9
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) June 24, 2017

So where do you stand on slapgate? Is the kid a monster? Is the mom even worse? Should Kirkman just get over herself and stop talking about it? I don't think we're ever going to see agreement on this very divisive issue.

HOLY SHIT JEN ARE YOU OKAY????
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 24, 2017

Why do ppl think everyone is enchanted/amused by their kids (and dogs)?!? 🙄
— Heather (@sassyheathen) June 24, 2017

At the expense of annoying others? That is selfish and rude.
— Augustus L. (@AugustusLeopol) June 24, 2017

KICK👏THE👏KID👏
KICK👏THE👏KID👏
you know you wanna, Jen
— horse platitudes (@herrwise) June 24, 2017

So there were basically two ill-mannered, childish, insufferable people in this story.
— Jezzer (@Jezzerat) June 24, 2017

A simple "no" is a lot more generous than I'd give anyone even a little older who tried that nonsense.
— Greg Packnett (@GregPacknett) June 24, 2017

Kid was probably a Bernie Bro.
— Steve F*r*t*n*u*g (@stevethefirst) June 24, 2017

I have a four year old... Kick away! I like quiet, too! 😉
— Rouser of Rabble (@DCElleTee) June 24, 2017

I'm so utterly exasperated by the expectation that it is my responsibility to be hypersensitive to the needs of mothers 'cause it's "hard".
— Alysson (@Alysson) June 24, 2017

and you sound like a concern troll. When will parents learn to control their brats in public?
— #TheResistance (@ResistTilDeath) June 24, 2017

@JenKirkman Too depressed to shower or eat over here, as a 34 yr old mom with 2 small children under 3 I am living for your timeline!!!
— kate (@KATEstaysHOME) June 24, 2017

Definitely. As a man I tend to get, "oh you'll find someone," but women get the double shame of marriage & kids
— John (@LysiosZeus) June 24, 2017

they're tired now? Ha ha just wait!! Suck it up buttercup! What about pioneer women who had to get back behind the plow right after birth?
— Franka Welcher (@FrankaWelcher) June 24, 2017

I'm a parent and don't get people still trying to rationalize or excuse the kid and his bad mom! How about don't ignore your kid???
— Aaron Stackpole (@aaronstax) June 24, 2017

As a mom, I am so utterly exasperated by the assumption that every time my kid bumps into you in a crowded store it's the end of the world
— HenryVIII (@HorridHenryVIII) June 24, 2017

Damn, this controversy makes the Trump administration look positively chill. But I think I have the solution: Never, ever leave the house.

Comedian tweets her annoyance with random child at coffee shop. Then all hell breaks loose.