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BREAKING TWITTER DRAMA ALERT: Comedian Jen Kirkman, author of I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids, is not very happy today. That's because she sat down to a coffee and—wouldn't you know it—someone's kid crawled under her table to slap her feet.

Okay, sure. We've all been pestered by a random child at some point. But they are, you know, children. And if we want to judge the parent for this behavior, we can probably do that without tweeting. And even if we do tweet about it, we probably leave it at that instead of continuing to complain about children and parents in general. Right?

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So where do you stand on slapgate? Is the kid a monster? Is the mom even worse? Should Kirkman just get over herself and stop talking about it? I don't think we're ever going to see agreement on this very divisive issue.

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Damn, this controversy makes the Trump administration look positively chill. But I think I have the solution: Never, ever leave the house.