Moms

<p>Rosie Lamphere is a mom-of-three from Raleigh, North Carolina, who co-runs the popular parenting blog &quot;Play at Home Mom.&quot;</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/1596431153746030" data-width="552"><blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/1596431153746030/?type=3" class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><p>YES, I will surprise you, and take you out of school for your birthday. 😍 #8years</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/174614952594331">Play at Home Mom</a> on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/1596431153746030/?type=3">Monday, February 19, 2018</a></blockquote></div></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Recently, she shared a post that resonated with a lot of parents. She told a story about how her daughter, who is 9, came to her in tears after accidentally putting a hole in the wall while playing with her siblings.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;amp%3Btheater" data-width="552"><blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3" class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><p>Our girls were messing around yesterday. One of them happened to put their body through the drywall. My nine year old...</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/174614952594331">Play at Home Mom</a> on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3">Tuesday, December 24, 2019</a></blockquote></div></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The mom recognized that her daughter already felt ashamed and remorseful. She explains that she did not need to make &quot;an already crappy situation worse&quot; by yelling or punishing her.</h2><blockquote> <p>Our girls were messing around yesterday. One of them happened to put their body through the drywall. My nine year old came downstairs crying and frantic saying she had to show me something. I walked upstairs to the damaged wall. The remorse was already displayed all over her body.<br /> <br /> She didn&rsquo;t need me to make her feel guilty.<br /> <br /> She didn&rsquo;t need me to shame her.<br /> <br /> She didn&rsquo;t need me to make an already crappy situation worse.</p> </blockquote><h2>The daughter was scared to tell her dad, who is the person who would have to take care of the aftermath of the accident. So the mom told her she can tell him when she is ready.</h2><blockquote> <p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry!!!&rdquo;<br /> <br /> I know you are.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Daddy is going to be so mad!!! I&rsquo;m not ready to tell him yet.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> That is OK. When you are ready, you will tell him.<br /> <br /> She knew. She knew that he was the one most impacted by this. He would be the one taking time from his day to fix this.</p> </blockquote><h2>The mom told her husband herself, presenting the situation as a choice between making their daughter feel worse than she already does&mdash;or accept that she made a mistake and already learned her lesson.</h2><blockquote> <p>I walked downstairs and told my husband.<br /> <br /> The kids put a hole in the wall. A big one. M is really upset about it. She&rsquo;s working up the courage to come and tell you about it.<br /> <br /> We have two choices here.<br /> <br /> 1. Scream and yell and make her feel more awful than she already does.<br /> 2. Accept that little girl for each bit of awesome that she is... even in her mistakes. To realize that it was SO hard for her to come down and tell you how she made a mistake.<br /> <br /> Our response will 100% determine how she comes to us with mistakes in the future.</p> <p>How do you respond?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>You can probably guess how they chose to respond.</p><h2>As a result of not punishing their daughter for her mistake, the mom explains that her daughter now feels more comfortable knowing she can be honest with her parents.</h2><blockquote> <p><br /> Today, my daughter walks around with a little more trust. She walks around feeling loved and connected. She walks around knowing that she can tell her parents anything and that she is safe.<br /> <br /> This was the best gift I could ever receive this Christmas.<br /> <br /> And yes. She still feels sorry. She offered to not receive any Christmas presents this year, all her savings, and her time to help fix it. She didn&rsquo;t need screaming parents to make her feel this. She did it all on her own.<br /> <br /> <a data-ft="{&quot;type&quot;:104,&quot;tn&quot;:&quot;*N&quot;}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/givelove?epa=HASHTAG">#givelove</a> <a data-ft="{&quot;type&quot;:104,&quot;tn&quot;:&quot;*N&quot;}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/givegrace?epa=HASHTAG">#givegrace</a></p> </blockquote><h2>In a follow-up comment, the mom explains that she likes to emphasize &quot;fixing&quot; problems caused by mistakes over punishment for making a mistake.</h2><blockquote> <p>Whenever mistakes happen, &ldquo;fixing it&rdquo; naturally falls into the process. Our daughter WANTS to help fix the hole with her Daddy. If by some chance she didn&rsquo;t, she wouldn&rsquo;t be forced, but the WHY behind that would be discussed.<br /> <br /> What are some possible reasons?<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know how to help.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to stop playing.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Daddy doesn&rsquo;t want my help.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> I&rsquo;m sure there may be many other &ldquo;whys&rdquo; depending on the situation and relationship. It&rsquo;s a great opportunity for us to dive deeper.<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/givecommunication?hc_location=ufi">#givecommunication</a><br /> <br /> Edited to add. As adults we can also model this for our children. There are plenty of times we&rsquo;ve made mistakes or had accidents happen.<br /> <br /> We&rsquo;ve called the town park to let them know we accidentally broke a piece of equipment.<br /> <br /> We left a note on a car when we accidentally dinged their door.<br /> <br /> We knocked on a neighbors door when we accidentally rode a bike into their mailbox and broke it.<br /> <br /> We&rsquo;ve replaced a toy we accidentally broke at someone&rsquo;s house.<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/modelthebehaviorsyouwishtosee?hc_location=ufi">#modelthebehaviorsyouwishtosee</a><br /> <br /> Edited to add again.<br /> <br /> No, Christmas was not taken away. Yes, her money was returned. Yes, we all laugh at the fact that her tiny body could make such a big hole.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Response to Lamphere&#39;s post has been overwhelmingly positive. Many moms are sharing similar stories of choosing not to punish their kids for mistakes.</h2><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="150" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/screen-shot-2020-01-14-at-31322-pm-aJupXG.png" width="494" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="261" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/screen-shot-2020-01-14-at-31720-pm-80fhTT.png" width="489" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Others are suggesting that having her daughter help fix the hole in the wall might be the best response.</h2><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="103" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/image-AB4wl5.png" width="489" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="107" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/image-KpbLdU.png" width="486" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="89" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/screen-shot-2020-01-14-at-31701-pm-O0UPwv.png" width="482" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>And one woman&#39;s heart-wrenching story about growing up in foster care perfectly highlights why this is such an important parenting tactic for instilling trust in children.</h2><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Facebook" data-attribution-url="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R" height="197" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/screen-shot-2020-01-14-at-31306-pm-F0mj7Z.png" width="490" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MomPlayAtHome/photos/a.510592762329880/2593411920714610/?type=3&amp;__tn__=-R">Facebook</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Now if you&#39;ll excuse me I gotta go reapply mascara after that last comment left me weeping.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Parents react to mom's post about not punishing daughter so she can learn from her mistakes.

Rosie Lamphere is a mom-of-three from Raleigh, North Carolina, who co-runs the popular parenting blog &quot;Play at Home Mom.&quot;YES, I will surprise you, and take you out of school for your birthday. 😍 #8yearsPosted by Play at Home Mom on Monday, February 19, 2018Recently, she shared a post that resonated with a lot of parents. She told a story about how her daughter, who is 9, came to her in tears after accidentally putting a hole in the wall while playing with her siblings.Our girls were messing around yesterday. One of them happened to put their body through the drywall. My nine year old...Posted by Play at Home Mom on Tuesday, December 24, 2019The mom recognized that her daughter already felt ashamed and remorseful. She explains that she did not need to make &quot;an already crappy situation worse&quot; by yelling or punishing her. Our girls were messing around yesterday. One of them happened to put their body through the drywall. My nine year old came downstairs crying and frantic saying she had to show me something. I walked upstairs to the damaged wall. The remorse was already displayed all over her body.  She didn&rsquo;t need me to make her feel guilty.  She didn&rsquo;t need me to shame her.  She didn&rsquo;t need me to make an already crappy situation worse. The daughter was scared to tell her dad, who is the person who would have to take care of the aftermath of the accident. So the mom told her she can tell him when she is ready. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry!!!&rdquo;  I know you are.  &ldquo;Daddy is going to be so mad!!! I&rsquo;m not ready to tell him yet.&rdquo;  That is OK. When you are ready, you will tell him.  She knew. She knew that he was the one most impacted by this. He would be the one taking time from his day to fix this. The mom told her husband herself, presenting the situation as a choice between making their daughter feel worse than she already does&mdash;or accept that she made a mistake and already learned her lesson. I walked downstairs and told my husband.  The kids put a hole in the wall. A big one. M is really upset about it. She&rsquo;s working up the courage to come and tell you about it.  We have two choices here.  1. Scream and yell and make her feel more awful than she already does. 2. Accept that little girl for each bit of awesome that she is... even in her mistakes. To realize that it was SO hard for her to come down and tell you how she made a mistake.  Our response will 100% determine how she comes to us with mistakes in the future. How do you respond? You can probably guess how they chose to respond.As a result of not punishing their daughter for her mistake, the mom explains that her daughter now feels more comfortable knowing she can be honest with her parents.  Today, my daughter walks around with a little more trust. She walks around feeling loved and connected. She walks around knowing that she can tell her parents anything and that she is safe.  This was the best gift I could ever receive this Christmas.  And yes. She still feels sorry. She offered to not receive any Christmas presents this year, all her savings, and her time to help fix it. She didn&rsquo;t need screaming parents to make her feel this. She did it all on her own.  #givelove #givegrace In a follow-up comment, the mom explains that she likes to emphasize &quot;fixing&quot; problems caused by mistakes over punishment for making a mistake. Whenever mistakes happen, &ldquo;fixing it&rdquo; naturally falls into the process. Our daughter WANTS to help fix the hole with her Daddy. If by some chance she didn&rsquo;t, she wouldn&rsquo;t be forced, but the WHY behind that would be discussed.  What are some possible reasons?  &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know how to help.&rdquo;  &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to stop playing.&rdquo;  &ldquo;Daddy doesn&rsquo;t want my help.&rdquo;  I&rsquo;m sure there may be many other &ldquo;whys&rdquo; depending on the situation and relationship. It&rsquo;s a great opportunity for us to dive deeper.  #givecommunication  Edited to add. As adults we can also model this for our children. There are plenty of times we&rsquo;ve made mistakes or had accidents happen.  We&rsquo;ve called the town park to let them know we accidentally broke a piece of equipment.  We left a note on a car when we accidentally dinged their door.  We knocked on a neighbors door when we accidentally rode a bike into their mailbox and broke it.  We&rsquo;ve replaced a toy we accidentally broke at someone&rsquo;s house.  #modelthebehaviorsyouwishtosee  Edited to add again.  No, Christmas was not taken away. Yes, her money was returned. Yes, we all laugh at the fact that her tiny body could make such a big hole. Response to Lamphere&#39;s post has been overwhelmingly positive. Many moms are sharing similar stories of choosing not to punish their kids for mistakes.  Facebook  FacebookOthers are suggesting that having her daughter help fix the hole in the wall might be the best response.  Facebook  Facebook  FacebookAnd one woman&#39;s heart-wrenching story about growing up in foster care perfectly highlights why this is such an important parenting tactic for instilling trust in children.  FacebookNow if you&#39;ll excuse me I gotta go reapply mascara after that last comment left me weeping.

Rosie Lamphere is a mom-of-three from Raleigh, North Carolina, who co-runs the popular parenting blog &quot;Play at Home Mom.&quot;    Recently, she shared a post that resonated with a lot of parents. She told a story about how her...