A mom has gone viral with a hilariously TMI story about attempting yoga when you have irritable bowels, and it is way too relatable who anyone who knows that the hardest part of yoga is trying not to fart.
Laura Mazza, a mother of two and popular mommy blogger, shared a yoga story so packed with graphic details, you won't be able to look away. Even if you want to.
She says she's never doing yoga again. And after reading her story, you might feel the same.
The story begins:
I'd like to say I'm making this story up, but alas no. This actually happened tonight. This is long so bare with me.
I have muscle separation. Having kids separated my abominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea. Yeah it's not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone. So you know, I am trying to get fitter and fix it so it was suggested by a physio to try yoga.
Ha...hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. Okay so.
I put on a pair of yoga pants, because for someone who has never done yoga, really, I seem to own a lot of yoga pants. I got the pair that looked less "Ball-y" from sleeping in and yanked them up nice and high and got a clean top. I was wearing my regular nanna jocks. No time for g strings here.
We got into the class and it was dark and there's candles everywhere. (Just a slight fire risk you guys), I'm thinking, holy shit this is real yoga, not like 5, 6, 7, 8 and stretccchh... this is 'im going to go to a high place of enlightenment' right here.
Everyone's talking to each other and the trainer, yoga master, limber yoda, whatever... is talking to everyone and like talking to them, she's saying "how's Daryl and his leg...?" And I'm there hiding in the corner thinking "please for the love of god do not notice me"
Everyone's taking off their socks and I'm thinking oh lord, my toes are hairy and I didn't shave them, I only dry shaved my ankles in case my pants ride up.
So I'm looking out at all these slender women with their nice tight yoga pants, and mine with the 80's flare at the bottom. They all take off their socks to reveal manicured toes and here I am with my froddo feet, trying to hide in the corner so I don't have to talk about my personal life.
This is relatable, because yoga classes can be cliquey and intimidating. And how are you supposed to trust anyone wearing $100 stretch pants??? But it's about to get much, much worse.
Then ashram yoga guru says loudly "oh we have a new member tonight. We are blessed with the company of....??"
And then I replied with... "oh yes. And I am blessed with your company" I don't know why I said that, probably because I'm a social idiot.
And she said "oh sorry I was after your name."
"Okay" she asked me a few more questions where I fumbled my way through and then I started talking about my muscle separation and her eyes glazed over and I trailed off.
"Welcome" she smiled while her skinny body moved down like a slinky.
We started doing these random positions, moving into the upward facing dog and I feel a nice crack in my back, thinking i can do this...I totally love yoga. I am a yoga girl!! Look at me so fit right now.
We move into the downward facing dog... and that's when I started to feel my guts.
You can probably guess where this is going. If you can stomach it, keep reading. She writes:
Now for the past few weeks I have had IBS Symptoms like something crazy. My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant.
And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart.
I farted. I farted at yoga. I'm a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me.
They're quiet, so I'm thinking holy fuck, thank god for that. But then we move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside.
I'm thinking, do I leave? Do I leave the country? Is this happening?? IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Not only do I look like a slob but now I stink too.
Okay. I gather my resolve and say you know what? Whatever. Everyone farts and I can't help it. I continue attempting these ridiculous positions and suck in my core. Fitness here we come.
If this were the end of the story, you might think, okayyyyy, this is not that bad. I mean, who HASN'T farted at yoga? But oh, there's more:
We then go down on this position where we stretch right out but our legs are like a frog on the floor. The teacher then came around and pushed everyone down lower... I thought oh good, gonna get a nice crack in my back again. I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again.
She comes over... pushes my back down...
The loudest trumpet comes out of my ass.
I froze and thought oh my god. Oh my god.
OH MY GOD. Sweet baby Jesus. What just happened. I'm dreaming. Surely. I'm in a nightmare.
My face flushes red and I have tears in my eyes from the embarrassment.
I got up, attempted to roll up my yoga mat but couldn't do it, so I just kinda chucked it to the side.. and grabbed my shoes and socks and my bag all in my arms and basically bolted out the door.
I turn around just as I'm closing the door And look up embarrassed to see everyone on their knees wide eyed staring at me in shock... (or in an awake coma from the smell)
And guru ashram yoga teacher looks at me, bows her head and joins her hands together and says "namaste"
And I think nah I'm a go, and I run out the door and now I'm sitting at McDonald's eating a sundae crying and laughing.
Sorry physio. I'm never ever ever EVER, doing yoga again. Fuck the muscle separation.
This mom may never step foot in another yoga class (can you blame her?). But her willingness to be this honest about her humiliating experience has earned her mega internet points. Her story has been shared over 11,000 times since she shared it on Wednesday, and commenters can't stop laughing:
And many are letting this mom know she is not alone.
Ultimately, this is a beautiful story of a mom triumphing over adversity to remind the whole internet, it's totally okay to fart during yoga. Embarrassing but normal.