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Sometimes you don't want to hear about the tannins and fermentation process of the grapes while picking out a wine—you just want something that is going to get you good and drunk. This review left by someone named "Jeff W." gets right to the point, promising that this alcohol will get you "suburban mom drunk." Even if you never heard that phrase before, you know exactly what it means.

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There is something special about being "suburban mom drunk." It's not quite "white girl wasted" but definitely above a buzz, so just imagine a bunch of mini-vans parked outside a house throwing a very lit pocketbook party where all the ladies have necklaces with their kids' birthstones dangling off them. Each woman has a novelty wine glasses with phrases like "Not a day over fabulous!" and "Mommy's sippy cup" hand painted on them. After a few drinks, all the moms agree that Viggo Mortensen is very good-looking before they all talk viciously sh*t about Sandy, some other PTA mom who wasn't invited to this affair.

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Get it?

You know the type.
You know the type.
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The only thing that seems inconstant is that this wine seems to be in a bottle, as opposed to a box.