Sleeping with a guy for the first time requires lots of preparation.

You want to put your best foot (especially if he's into that kind of thing) forward. Here's a handy checklist to keep track of all of the super fun and absolutely mandatory steps toward being perfectly bone-able.


1. Spend 40 minutes crafting the perfect text message about seeing each other tonight.

2. Immediately regret using the flan emoji.

3. Get manicure and pedicure.

4. Read all of the articles you missed from the week while getting manicure and pedicure.

5. Feel crushing guilt thanks to the New York Times for getting a manicure and pedicure.

6. Tip generously.

7. Go for a bikini wax.

8. Tell your bikini waxer that no, you are not married, that's why you're here.

9. Take Advil to recover from bikini wax.

10. Wash your sheets.

11. Try to ignore the shocking amount of pita chip crumbs in your sheets.

12. Wonder if you had gone to law school like your mother wanted whether you would have laundry in your apartment and not have to go do this at a laundromat.