7 cheaper alternatives to Sophie la Girafe for the budget-conscious baby.

7 cheaper alternatives to Sophie la Girafe for the budget-conscious baby.
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Sophie La Girafe, the perfect baby toy. Chic and French. Looks good in any nursery. Made from 100% all natural rubber and food grade paints. Dark spots on Sophie provide visual stimulation for babies! Squeaks when pressed to stimulate baby's hearing. Light and easy to grip, even for small hands! Everyone wants one, but at $25 a pop, not everyone can afford one. Fear not. If you're in the market for a Sophie la Girafe but you're not making "Sophie la Girafe" money, here are some wonderful, less expensive options:

Sophie the Giraffe (name is identical except for replacement of word "la" with word "the" and American spelling of the word "giraffe.")

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Giraffe itself is identical but people will inexplicably know you didn't buy the French one and will condescendingly shoot you looks of confusion or pity. Instead of Eiffel tower, packaging depicts image of the Time Warner building. $12

A Twenty Dollar Bill Folded in the Shape of a Giraffe

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A perennial favorite! Your infant will love putting this twenty dollar bill in his mouth, as he inevitably gravitates toward anything covered in germs that will potentially give him a horrific respiratory illness. Light and easy to grip! Made in the U.S.A. out of whatever twenty dollar bills are made of. $20

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Sophie the 84% Rubber Okapi

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Made of 84% natural rubber, 14% human hair and 2% "unidentifiable source material," Sophie the rubber Okapi brings months of teething joy to children and hours of confused looks to other parents who have never seen an Okapi and are trying to figure out whether or not it is a real animal. (It looks like what would happen if a giraffe, a deer and a zebra's hindquarters had sex with each other) A wonderfully organic way to get your young child started on identifying lesser-known African megafauna. $13 each or 5 for $50

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Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse

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Oh whatever, who's even going to know, right? Sold in a similarly neutral-toned box, Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse looks enough like Sophie la Girafe from a distance of 15+ feet to garner accepting nods from other parents. Made in China but a really nice part of China where the topography looks a lot like certain parts of France. Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse has spots (made of dried liquid eyeliner) that will stimulate your baby's vision and is made of a hard, unforgiving plastic that will teach him that, contrary to popular belief, life will not be soft, fulfilling or enjoyable. $4 in select stores

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Sophie the Enriched Uranium Girafe

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Perfect for newborns, the sound of people running away, shouting something about weapons-grade nuclear material will stimulate baby's hearing while the tactile Beryllium neutron reflector is wonderfully soothing for baby's gums. (Price Not Listed)

A Bunch of Pens

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Sold in a box of 12, the contrasting dark caps and light bodies of these pens provide visual stimulation while the thinly rounded bodies aid in your child's dexterity and provide a small, hard surface that relieves the pain of teething when gummed. "A Bunch of Pens" can also prove wonderfully useful to adults since they are also, for all intents and purposes, working pens. $2-$15, depending on the quality of the pens

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Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toy

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Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toys are actually used Sophie la Girafes sold on eBay by parents whose children did not seem particularly taken with Sophie la Girafe. Sofia provides minutes of fun to your beloved four legged friend before she is ripped to shreds (Sofia, not your dog-- sorry for the dangling modifier). Chic and French, Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toy provides great tactile stimulation for your vacuum cleaner as you use it to suck pieces of shredded rubber from the floor. $5 or best offer

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(designed by Cole Mitchell)

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