Remember getting ready for prom?
How excited you were when the cutest guy in school asked you to be his date? How much fun you had shopping for the perfect dress with your mom? And then remember how you had to submit a photo of your perfect dress to school officials and wait to hear if it passed the “appropriate attire" test? Wasn't that awesome?
Oh, wait—you probably don't remember that last part unless you're a student at Delone Catholic High School in McSherrystown, PA, where a new policy requires all female students have their special dresses approved by “prom moderators" weeks before the dance.
Per school policy, the gowns can't show too much cleavage, skin or leg, so the prom won't look like it's being held in Hoochieville. Because guess where “Catholic values and moral integrity" are never, ever found? That's right. Bring it on down to Hoochieville. I mean, everyone knows nuns never wear dresses with see-through netting, right? (But if they did, it might raise church attendance. Think about it, Progressive Pope.)
The policy also states “all students and guests must dress in gender-specific formal wear." So if you're a girl who's dying to wear an awesomely ironic tuxedo t-shirt or a boy who just so happens to look fabulous in a sequined camisole, forget it, fools. Get back in your box because lord knows the last thing a high school prom needs is kids expressing themselves and having a good time. Save that experimentation shit for community college.
Of course, what's definitely going unsaid here is that the school administration obviously believes prohibiting girls from dressing sexy will minimize the underage drinking and sex that teen movies tell us happen on prom night. And to that I say: HAHAHAHAHA. I went to prom in the 80s, when we all wore huge Gunne Sax dresses that fell mid-calf, and believe me, nobody was reading the Bible and sipping tea that night. I saw kids smoking their corsages, for god's sake.
But all of that said, if you happen to be a student or parent at Delone and don't know what an appropriate prom dress looks like, here is our super easy guide:
(Buena Vista Pictures)
Have fun, kids!