I've been single since birth (yes every year counts) and finally decided to take the plunge into online dating.

I signed up for the classy app Tinder because it requires zero work and almost no personal information. During the first terrifying moments in the wild jungle of cool-looking brosephs, I managed to spill soup on my pants. Hey, it's hard to swipe right AND eat soup! And yes, I always swipe right because I like giving everyone a chance to disappoint me.

If I'd met one of these upstanding male citizens IRL, my spilled soup tactic would be a great conversation starter, so I used it to break the ice in conversations with my Tinder matches.

Here's what happened when I asked potential future house-husbands for cleaning tips.

This guy wanted to charge me for his services: