What's a heartbroken girl to do during the fateful weekend of her ex-boyfriend's wedding?
Thanks to wedding websites, which trumpet all of the adorable details of a couple's courtship and honeymoon plans (“They hated each other at first—can you believe it?" “The bridesmaids will carry bouquets of snapdragons because that is the couple's shared favorite flower!"), it can be hard to ignore when your guy-that-got-away officially “gets away."
So here are some helpful tips (and no, none of them is “show up at the wedding, Graduate-style") for surviving the weekend your ex gets married:
1. Smoke the Old Supply – Literally or Figuratively.
When you're missing the familiar embrace of your ex-BF who is about to score a whole lot of monogrammed towels, why not fall into the equally familiar arms of that bartender who you had a dalliance with all those years back? Either that or get blazed like it's 4:20 pm on 4/20 and lose all sense of what day it is and what event is taking place at a nearby function hall.
2. Pamper Yourself.
Dip your body in hot wax and rip off all remaining hairs, then get a facial, manicure, and pedicure. By the time that's all done, you'll have no idea what day it is. And losing a layer of skin and hair is like an adult rebirth ceremony.
3. Enjoy the Silence.
Silent retreats aren't just for rich weirdos anymore—now they're for YOU, girl! You can't talk ad nauseum about your ex's wedding registry (“brown towels? That's SO typical Keith!") if you can't talk.
4. Get Some Strange.
Make out with a guy who is the exact opposite of your ex. If your ex has a job, this guy doesn't. If your ex hated plaid, this guy wears a kilt 24/7. If your ex hated hockey, this guy is a professional goon with killer hockey hair (can you set me up with that guy when you're done, please?). If your ex was a Democrat, this guy's pillow talk sounds like Rush Limbaugh's radio show. Deliberately dip your toe in an unfamiliar pool and discover new talent.
5. Lose Yourself Underground.
This one is for the city dwellers except for Chicago (sorry, Chi-Town pals). Hop on the subway and head to that subterranean paradise where you can avoid texts, calls, and social media coverage of his special day. Pack some snacks and hope that most of the time down there is SHOWTIME!
6. Keep Busy.
Have you ever heard a cook talk about his or her Thanksgiving routine? He gets up early to get the turkey in the oven, then start in on the sides and soon it's time to make the crusts and use those weird ball pie weight things but don't forget to regularly baste the bird and before you know it company is coming over! The day flies by when you're manically busy—your friends will enjoy the dinner and you'll keep your brain occupied and your fingers off your smartphone.
7. Take a Lesson from Carrie Bradshaw.
I'm sure we all recall the Sex & the City episode when Carrie was dumped by Post-it and she forced the ladies to go out with her that night in order to have the day be more than simply the day she was dumped via Post-it. You should do the same! The day isn't your ex-boyfriend's wedding day—it's the day you dance atop a bar while wearing too much eye make-up and then lose your wallet (or whatever memorable event you'd like).
8. Volunteer, Journal, think about Gratitude.
As Gandhi and a military hottie who I used to smooch would both say: "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others," and for real girl, it's true. Rather than treading in the toxic waters of wondering if you're the butt of a joke in the best man's speech, give your time to someone else and remember how lucky you are for what you DO have. Know that there are happier times just around the bend, you deserve to be with someone who adores you, and there are plenty of fish in the sea—hot fish who wouldn't dream of registering for brown towels.
(images via Thinkstock)