All the single ladies (all the single ladies), put your hands not holding a drink up. (via Imgur)
Who needs the promise of getting married next when you could be getting drunk first?
Redditor quadyqua (cleverly outed as "Robin") came out as a being in love with her pink-as-hell cocktail today when she posted this picture of her attempt to catch the bouquet with the title "You can tell where my priorities lie."
You can tell which one Robin is by her complete disinterest in complying with matrimonial mandates.
I'm not sure why people still do the bouquet toss. Beyond its archaic implication that getting married is the best thing that could possibly happen to a woman, and now that their bride friend has finally gone off the market, her less desirable friends have a chance, it's just... dumb. Yeah, men do the garter toss, but less frequently, and it usually feels like it has less to do with committed love and more to do with "this is a good opportunity to bang the desperate chick who caught the bouquet."
And besides, it doesn't mean anything. Catching the bouquet has less merit than astrology; it's just women being thirsty.
Look at them, with their tongues hanging out at their chance for a lifetime of unspecified bliss:
Fate, I can change you!
If I don't catch these, the next time I see flowers will be at my funeral!
And then there's Robin, who was actually thirsty.
Drinky, drinky, nice and pinky.
"But catching the bouquet is a fun tradition, you bitter bitch!" you scream at your computer screen. Maybe. But so is finding out what's at the bottom of your "blushing kiss" or whatever ridiculous name they've given their signature hooch. What is not fun is having to parade around as a desperate single to a room full of happily married people.
And to anyone who thinks Robin's consumption put a damper on the celebration, please note, she was in high spirits, so to speak. As she comments on reddit, "It was a fantastic night all around! I enjoyed every moment. Even this one, just in a different way :)"
Flowers come and go, but liquor is forever in your liver.