You mistakenly think you're fun and flirty but are actually completely out of touch enough to say things like "I wouldn't call myself a feminist, I just think women should be equal to men!"
Scotch on the rocks:
Still angry about that college professor who hit on you when you took his class, you like to dabble in occasional misandry just for fun. Your favorite t-shirt reads: "I dare you to tell me to smile"
You're aware that identifying as a female is not the only struggle one person might have and your brand of intersectional-inclusive-
Not only can women have it all, not having it all is a sign of weakness. Feeling overwhelmed by the demands of personal relationships, work goals, and family, you lean in so hard you often find yourself leaning on the edge of the bar to keep from falling over.
Gin & Tonic:
You remember attending at least one take-back-the-night rally when you were in college and feel good about supporting the women's movement every time you hastily throw your son's soccer cleats in that free tote bag Planned Parenthood sent you for your donation.
You support women struggling in other countries, but every man you know treats you as an equal, even if that means you just ignore your guy friends when they start mansplaining "hat tricks" to you again no matter how many times you tell them you went to college on an ice hockey scholarship. You know they need that after you defended all of them in that bar fight last month anyway.
Chateau Lafite Rothschild:
Feminist theory must look beyond the experiential into that which can be written and examined, as you often do while surrounded by your show dogs and friends who look exactly like you. You recognize the dangers for women in "those neighborhoods" and will certainly write a compelling Salon piece in the morning, after Maria's done vacuuming, because you abhor the noise.