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If there's ever been something everyone can agree on, it's that work sucks. The only thing that makes spending all day at a job you hate worth it is the satisfaction of doing a half-assed job. But making sure that you're using exactly half your ass can be tricky. Do too little and you'll be fired, but do too much and someone might think you can be trusted with more responsibility. Here's our foolproof guide to being as terrible an employee as possible without getting canned:

1. Sneak your booze where you can. Stay buzzed all day without getting drunk enough for anyone to notice.

Use one of these. Everyone will just think you're into birds.
Use one of these. Everyone will just think you're into birds.