Sir? Sir! SIR. Do NOT tongue the crab!

Excuse me, sir? Can you stop putting your tongue on the crab?

I don't care how many times you tongued the crab before, and the crab did nothing. The crab has claws. Is your tongue made out of metal? Does your tongue have an exoskeleton? Oh, it doesn't? THEN STOP TONGUING THE CRAB.

SIR. Do NOT put your tongue on the crab again. I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE.'re not going to stop, are you?

Sources: h/t BoingBoing