Recently, footage has been unearthed of Kellyanne Conway, Miss "Alternative Facts" USA, attempting to do standup comedy in 1998. Is it as cringe-worthy as you think it's gonna be?
Let's go to the video evidence.
If you aren't good at handling sympathetic humiliation, we've written Kellyanne Conway's opening joke:
"Before I get started I want to tell you the funniest thing happened to me today. You ever have one of those days where not one but two things that never ever happens, happens to you? I'm walking down the street, I look up, and I see Haley's Comet. I get back to the office, and I'm accurately quoted in a Ralph Hallow article."
[polite smattering of chuckles]
Oof. Clunkiness aside, it's pretty telling that her first joke written so many years ago is about being misquoted. She's been practicing this "lying media" strategy for years.
The rest of her set segues into jokes about her being a political pundit, in which she basically steals blonde jokes and replaces the word "blonde" with "pundette." Skip ahead nine minutes and you can watch her put on a red feather boa and sing the "Pundit blues."
"As long as I'm blonde and not too fat."
If anything proves how much harder it is to be a standup comedian than a spin doctor for Donald Trump, this has got to be it.
In fairness, Conway's attempt was done as part of a charity event, but she was still vying to be crowned D.C.'s funniest celebrity. She didn't win, so let's just say she was an alternative winner.